Old Testament Reading: Deuteronomy 6:1–9

“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:1–9, ESV)

New Testament Reading: Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV)

*****

[Please excuse any and all typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church, but without the benefit of proofreading.] 

Fathers

I would like to begin the sermon today by asking the question, why did Paul say, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”, and not fathers and mothers, or parents?

Clearly Paul is now shifting his attention to parents as he addresses each of the members of the Christian home. He has addressed husbands and wives, he has addressed children, and his commanded them to “obey [their] parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1, ESV) And now Paul is addressing the parents. But instead of saying parents, or fathers and mothers, he says only, “fathers”.

To state the question in a different way, was it Paul’s view that only fathers have the responsibility to “bring [their children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”?

Clearly, this was not Paul’s view. 

The previous verses make that clear. Again, the children were commanded by Paul to obey their parents. This must mean that both father and mother have authority over the child — both are to discipline and instruct. And children are to offer up obedience to both mother and father in the Lord.

Paul then sited the fifth commandment to prove that this is right: “‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land’” (Ephesians 6:2–3, ESV). According to the law, honor is to be given to both father and mother, for both have authority over their children.  

And certainly Paul agreed with the Proverbs which describe both fathers and mothers as being active in the discipline and instruction of the children. Proverbs 1:8: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck” (Proverbs 1:8–9, ESV).

Stated succinctly and bluntly, when one considers what the scriptures say in the Old and New Testaments concerning the role that mothers play in the raising up of their children, it would be absurd to interpret Paul’s mention of “fathers” only to mean that mothers have nothing to do with the “discipline and instruction” of their children. 

So the question remains, why did Paul say, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”, and not fathers and mothers, or parents?

I think the answer is this: to emphasize the headship of the husband and father within the home. 

While it is obviously true that neither fathers nor mothers should provoke their children to anger — and while it is obviously true that both fathers and mothers are to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord — a father, as head of his home, has the unique responsibility of making sure that it is so. It is the father who, as head of the home, must see to it that his children be not proveke to anger, but instead that they be brought up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The father must engage, take the lead and oversee the raising up his children, for it is his God given responsibility. 

This, I think, is the reason why Paul commands fathers specifically, and not parents in general concerning the raising up of children in the Lord. It is not to minimize the role that mothers are to play, but to highlight the headship of husbands and fathers within the home and to insist upon their responsible engagement in the task of child rearing.

I probably don’t need to tell you that this is an issue within our society. Many children are raised in homes where the father is absent. In some cases he is absent entirely. In others, he is absent partially. And in some homes the father is present physically, but is absent practically speaking, being disengaged from the children and negligent in regard to his responsibility to lead within the home. This is not the way that God designed the family to function. God’s design is that children would be born to a father and mother joined together for life in the covenant of marriage. His design is that children would be carefully raised by both mother and father, and that fathers would be faithful to lead within the home, raising their children in the nurture and addition of the Lord. 

Before I go further I should say that although this is God’s design — though it is ideal that fathers be faithful to “bring [their children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”  — one should not forget that we serve a God who uses situations that are less than ideal for the good of his people and for his glory. We serve a God who in the beginning brought order from chaos, spoke light into darkness, and brings life from death. Those who are being raised, or who were raised, in homes that fall short of this ideal should not despair, therefore. Instead they should trust in God who causes “all things [to] work together for good to those who love [him], to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28, NKJV). Children who are being raised in a home where their father or mother is absent should not despair. It is right for them to understand that the situation is less than ideal. It is even right for them to wish that it were otherwise. In fact, the Lord may use this awareness and longing to move them to do things right when they have a family of their own someday. But one thing they must not do is despair. They must know that God is able to bring much good out of the difficult circumstances of life. Children must not despair, and neither should the mother or father who has been left to carry the burden of raising children on their own. Though the situation is not exactly the same, Pslam 68:5 applies when it says,,  “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation” (Psalm 68:5, ESV). God has a special love and concern for his people who living through challenging situations that fall short of the ideal.

With that said, I hope that all would agree that it is important for the Christian to know what the ideal is. The Christian should be eager to understand God’s design for the  family so that they might live according to that design. In the family, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, for the husband is head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church. Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Children are to obey their parents in the Lord, for this is right. And parents — particularly fathers — are to but bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

*****

Do Not Provoke Your Children To Anger

But before we come to the positive command to bring children up in the Lord, we find a negative command to not provoke them to anger. Parents, and particularly fathers, are warned by the Apostle to not provoke their children to anger. 

Something similar is said in that Colossians passage which mirrors the text we are now considering in Ephesians. There the Apostle says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21, ESV). 

To provoke is to stir up. Parents, and especially fathers, must take care to never stir their children up to anger.

Now, it should probably be said that a child might be angry, not because their mother or father has stirred them up, but due to the sinfulness of their own heart. Mothers and fathers are not responsible for this unrighteous anger. In fact they should warn the child against it and discipline them appropriately. Sometimes people are angry for no good reason. Perhaps they are greedy, selfish and discontent. A parent is not wrong to refuse to give in to the angry rants of a toddler, teenager, or immature adult.  Paul does not say, appease the anger of your child at all costs. Instead he says, “do not provoke your children to anger.” Again, to provoke is to stir up. 

So how might a parent, and particularly fathers, provoke their children to anger? The Apostle doesn’t say. He simply issues a broad command and then trusts that we will reflect upon this command to identify the specifics. 

Truly, there are many ways for a father to prove a child to anger. If a father us absent, overly harsh, inconsistent, or unfair a child may be provoked to anger. If a father is overbearing, has a critical spirit, is unloving or hypocritical a child may be provoked to anger. I’m sure this list would grow very long if we were to take the time to develop it.  

The child might be too young to express with words what has angered them. But children — even young children — can perceive when things are right and wrong. This is because the law of God is written on their heart as image bearers. A child can perceive injustice. A child can identify hypocrisy. A child knows the difference between constructive criticism and a critical spirit. They know the difference between punishment that is fitting, and punishment that reckless and harsh. A child knows when they are being neglected. This is true even of relatively young children, but it is especially true of older children and teenagers. 

When Paul says, “Fathers, do not provoke your childen to anger”, he does not mean, fathers, don’t ever discipline your children, critique or rebuke them. He does not mean, parents, never ask your children to do something that they don’t want to do. Your child might  grow angry when you say “no” to ice cream. They might grow angry when you assign chores. But this is not the fault of the parent, provided that chores are reasonable chores, and that the dispostion of the parent is loving when the answer “no” is delivered. 

Parents, we need to reflect carefully upon the command of the Apostle here. His instructions to parents are very, very brief — only one sentence, in fact! And yet he takes the time to warn parents, and especially fathers, against provoking their children to anger. It must be that the Apostle saw this as a common problem. 

So I ask you, parents — fathers — do you provoke your children to anger? Do you stir them up by your absence, your lack of love, and by failing to affirm them? Do you frustrate them with unrealistic expectations and by your hypocrisy? Do you discourage them by being harsh and overly critical? What Paul said to all Christians back in Ephesians 4:29 is to be applied by parents as they relate to their own children: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29, ESV)

To state it differently, there is a sense in which parents must honor their children and treat them with respect as their exercise their authority over them. The fact that parents have authority over their children must not be ignored. Parents, and particularly fathers, must not neglect their responsibility, therefore. But children are to be honored as human beings, for they too bear the image of God. 

Notice that this is how the Apostle addresses husbands who have authority over their wives. They must not be harsh with them, but are to love them as Christ loved the church, being ever mindful of the fact that they are one with them, and co-heirs in Christ Jesus. And earthly masters are exhorted to in the next passage to honor their servants, to stop their threatening, “knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him” (Ephesians 6:9, ESV). So in Christ those with authority are to honor those who are in submission to them. They are to wield their authority with the heart of a servant. And this applies to parents too. You are authority is real. You must be faithful to fulfill your God given responsibility to raise your children. But they are to honored as they live in subjection to you, for they God is their Maker and yours. They too bear his image. 

Parents, mimic God the Father in you parenting. Be kind, consistent, fair and just. 

Parents, treat your children in the way that yourself would want to be treated. I’m sure that you want those to who have authority over you to treat you fairly and with respect. Do the same unto them. 

*****

But Bring Them Up In The Discipline And Instruction Of The Lord

After the negative command, we find a positive command: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

The Greek word translated as “bring them up” carries with it the idea of nourishing something. In fact, the word appears only one other time in the New Testament, and that is in Ephesians 5:29 where Paul urges husbands to love their wives on the basis of their one flesh union with them, saying, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:29, ESV). So husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives. And as fathers they are to have the same disposition towards their children. Husbands and fathers are to look upon their wives and children and they are to see them as precious, they are to be mindful of the responsibility and privilege that they have to nourish them — to see to it that they are protected, provided for, and encouraged in the Lord. Brothers, it is a high calling. 

Notice that the command to “bring them up” or to “nourish” stand in contrast to the command to not provoke to anger. A father who proves to anger is harsh, condescending, lacking in love, and negligent. In contrast to this, fathers are to bring their children up. They are build them up, and not tear them down. And this they are to do through discipline and instruction.

The word translated as discipline means to train or to reprove. The Greek term was used frequently in the Greco-Roman world to refer to the education of children in a wide rage of subjects and disciplines. Parents, and particularly fathers, are responsible to train their children to live well in this world. Now granted, a father may delegate some of these things to his wife or to tutors, but he must be engaged — he must see to it that his children are taught how to work, how to manage money, how to tend to the responsibilities of life. They should be taught how to read and write. They should be taught personal higine. This list would grow very long if we were to develop it. The point is that parents are to discipline their children, not out of anger, not punitively (because you have been somehow inconvenienced), but always to build them up into independent, good and productive members of society. We are to remember that this is the purpose of discipline: not to make the child pay, but to train them up! We are to train them up so that we might, in due time, send them out to establish households of their own where they will do the same thing for their children. 

The word translated as “instruction” means to teach.  In the scriptures this word is often used to refer to religious instruction — instruction concerning God, his ways and a  life that is lived according to wisdom. Parents, and particularly fathers, must be diligent to bring their children up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV).

Parents, how are you doing in this regard? Are you disciplining your children so that they have the skills that they need to live a good life in this world. Are you preparing them for adulthood? And more than this, are preparing them to live for God in this world by instructing them in the Lord?

Are you teaching them the Gospel?

Are you teaching them to receive with meekness the word of God?

Are you teaching them about who God is?

Are you teaching them about who we are, and what our purpose is?

Do they know about sin and its consequences?

Do they know that God has been gracious to provide a Redeemer? 

Do they know who he is?

Do they know what he has done to accomplish our salvation?

Do they know how we come to benefit from the salvation that he has earned?

Do they know God’s law?

Do they understand that we have broken it?

Did they know what faith is?

Do they know what repentance is?

Do they understand how it is that God nourishes those who are is?

Do they know how to pray?

Fathers and mothers, we must teach these things to our children. 

And how should we teach them? 

By including them in the assembly of the church to hear the word of God preached.

Through systematic instruction, commonly called catechesis. 

Through casual and spontaneous instruction. 

Perhaps you noticed that the Deuteronomy 6 passage that we read at the start of this sermon seems to encourage instruction that is both structured and systematic and also casual and spontaneous. Concerning the law, God spoke to Israel saying, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

And lastly, by example. Your children need to see you but the faith that you profess into practice, friends. Perhaps nothing is more frustrating to a child that hypocrisy.

We are all stumble in many ways, friends. Even the best of parents are not perfect parents. One of the most important things for a Christian parent to do is to repent before God, and even before their children, when they sin. Fathers, if you are harsh to your children— if you have provoked them to anger because of your critical spirit or your unjust treatment of them — the very best thing that you can do is repent. Repent before God, and even be willing to ask your children to forgive you for the wrong does to them. I have had to do this many times. Sin is to avoided at all costs, but it is also inevitable. May the Lord grant us humility so that we might repent truly before God and man.

*****

Conclusion

Let me conclude with this simple but very important observation. In each and every one of these relationships involving authority and submission, something of God’s relationship to his people is put on display. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Masters (as will see) are to honor their servants, being mindful that God is the Matter of them both. And bondservants are to “obey [their] earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as [they] would Christ” (Ephesians 6:5, ESV). Both in our positions of authority and submission we are to give glory to God, therefore. We are to submit as unto him, and we are to lead being imitators of him, that is to say, in love.  

This principle has already been established by the Apostle in this epistle, and it is to be applied here in each of these relationships: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1–2, ESV)

Tags: Ephesians 6:4

Posted in Sermons Ephesians 6:4
Comments Off on Sermon: Ephesians 6:4: Fathers, Bring Them Up In The Lord Posted by Joe

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AT HOME OR IN GOSPEL COMMUNITY GROUPS

Sermon manuscript available at emmausrbc.org

• When Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus he addressed children directly. Discuss the implications of this as it pertains to church life. How should we view our children? How should we treat them as we raise them in the Lord?
• When children are to taught to honor their father and mother, what effect does this have on them as it pertains to their relationship with other authority figures within the church and state? 
• How do we know know what is right and wrong? Does a non-believer who does not have access to the scripture have access to God’s moral law? If so, where is found?
• How might we appeal to those outside the church to build strong families? If they will not listen to the scriptures, is there any other way for us to appeal to them? How much of a concern should cultural transformation be to us when compared with our concern for the furtherance of God’s kingdom on earth?
• What can Christian parents do to teach their children to honor authority?

Tags: Gospel Community Groups

Posted in Study Guides Gospel Community Groups
Comments Off on Discussion Questions For Sermon On Ephesians 6:1-3 Posted by Joe

Old Testament Reading: Exodus 20:12-17

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” (Exodus 20:12–17, ESV)

New Testament Reading: Ephesians 6:1-3

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” (Ephesians 6:1–3, ESV)

*****

[Please excuse any and all typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church, but without the benefit of proofreading.] 

Introduction

I have given this sermon the title, “It All Starts In The Home”. And this statement is true as pertains to individuals learning how to be good and productive members of society in general, and how to honor authority — wherever it exists —  in particular. All of that starts in the home as children learn to honor their father and mother. This is what the Apostle teaches here in Ephesians 6, and his teaching is rooted in God’s law, as you can see. Children are to learn to not covet (but to be content), to not lie (but to promote the truth), to not steel (but to labor with their own hands doing honest work so that they may have something to share with those in need), to not commit adultery (but to be faithful to the marriage covenant, and to all other covenants), to not murder with hatred in the heart (but to love from the heart), and to honor authority wherever it exists — this they are to learn in the home by first honoring their father and their mother. It all starts in the home. The home is the place where Christian children are to learn to keep the first table of the law (which has to do with the proper love and worship of God), and where all children are to learn to keep the second table of the law (which has to do with the proper love and treatment of fellow human beings). It all starts in the home, for the first and principle commandment of that second table of the law is in fact, “honor your father and your mother.”

I have begun the sermon this way — by stepping back just a bit from Paul’s specific command to Christian children to “obey [their] parents in the Lord” —  so that you might see from the outset that although Paul addresses Christian children directly, what he says to them has far reaching implications for the church and for society in general. 

Paul, remember, is addressing life within the Christian home. He is applying the wonderful and rich truths that he had established earlier in his epistle to family relationship. In 4:1-5:21 his focus was upon life within the church. There he exhorted us to walk worthy as the people of God in this world by preserving unity, pursing holiness and “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, ESV). But in Ephesians 5:22 and following the focus is upon the home, or the Christian family. Wives are to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). Husbands are to “Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her….” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV). And now we hear Paul say, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1, ESV).

The focus is upon family life. But let us not forget that what happens in the family will have profound impact upon the church and upon society. This is why I have said, it all starts in the home. 

*****

The Command

The command that the Apostle issues is very straight forward: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…” (Ephesians 6:1, ESV).

Children are addressed by the Apostle directly. This fact is easy to overlook, but it is very significant. We are to remember that Paul wrote this letter to the church in Ephesus. This letter was to be read aloud to the church. And Paul’s assumption was that children would be present to hear the reading of his letter, for he addresses them, saying, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…”

Yes, the Apostle’s expectation was that children — even small children — would be present in the Christian assembly to hear his letter read. This has been the practice of the church throughout church history. Children — even small children — would sit in the assembly with their parents. They would grow up under the ministry of the word. They would learn to worship and to pray alongside their parents. It was not until very recently that the church has (in some circles) decided to send their children off to another place during corporate worship. The effects have been devastating, I think. Many children leave the church when they reach adulthood in part because they were not truly raised in the church. But Paul, when writing to the church in Ephesus, addressed the children directly, saying, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…

Children, please listen carefully to me. It is so very important for you to be here. It is important for you to worship God — to sing to him, to pray to him, and to listen to his word preached. I do understand that it can be difficult sometimes to understand everything that is said. And sometime it can be hard to focus for such a long time, especially if you are very young. But it is important that you try. And as you try to listen, and as you try to understand, you will grow. You will mature. 

And please understand that you are very blessed to have a parent or parents who have faith in Christ. You are very blessed to be brought up in a Christian home where the good news of Jesus Christ is explained to you and where the faith is taught. It is a privilege to be raised in the Lord. Our prayer and our expectation is that one day you will make a profession of faith of your own. Our hope is that you will come to say, “I trust in Christ for the forgivness of my sins” and “Jesus is Lord”. And it will be then, when that credible profession of faith is made, that you will be baptized in water and invited to the Lord’s Table. Until then, your parents will strive to raise you up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord”, and you are to honer them by obeying them, for that is what the scripture says: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…” 

Children, it is very important for you to obey your parents and to honor them. 

When you obey your parents you are really obeying God, for God is the one who has command that you honor and obey them.

God designed men and women to live this way. His design was that children would be born to a mother and father who are joined together in the covenant of marriage. The child is to grow up in that environment. There the child is to learn many things. There child is to learn to love God supremely, and to love his or her neighbor as themself. The child is to learn wisdom. The child is to learn to honor authority — God’s authority, and the authorities that exist within the world by God’s appointment. And this the child will learn from the experience of showing honor and offerning up obedience to mom and dad.

Children, be careful to honor your parents. Be careful to obey your mom and dad. Do not give in to the temptation to disrespect them or to disobey them. You are to obey your parents even when you don’t feel like it. You are to obey your parents even when you think they are wrong. You are to show them honor and respect even when you think they are being unfair or unreasonable. As the text says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…”

That phrase in the Lord is very important. Paul assumes that these children to whom he is speaking are being raised in the Lord — they are being taught the faith and they are hearing the gospel. He probably assumes that many of them have faith already. And he assumes that the ones who have not yet made a credible profession will do so in the future. 

By the way parents, I think this should be the attitude that we have towards our children. On the one hand, we know that they are born into this world, not in Christ, but in Adam. We know that they are born, not into the Covenant of Grace, but the broken covenant of works. This means that we must be diligent to proclaim the gospel to them, teach the faith to them, and pray for true repentance and a credible profession. Never-the-less, we must also raise them in the Lord. I believe that our expectation should be that they will believe upon Christ. Our hope should be that when asked, when did you first believe? they will respond by saying, I can’t say for sure. I can remember my baptism, but I cannot remember a time when I did not believe, for I was raised in Christ. Everyone’s testimony is different. Some will come to faith later in life. We rejoice in that also. But we should seek to raise our children in the Lord. And when we urge them to obey, we should urge them to obey in Christ — that is to say, for the sake of Christ, and with the strength that he provides — just as the Apostle does. Though our children are not born into faith, nor into the Covenant of Grace (in any sense), they are sanctified by the believing parent, for that parent is to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV)

Children, when you obey your parents you are to do it in the Lord. You are to obey them for the sake and with the strength he provides. Remember that something similar was said to wives concerning their submission to their husbands: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). And something similar was also said concerning there husbands headship over the wife: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV). And we could even look ahead to consider Paul instructions to fathers, bondservants and masters. In every instance the command to lead or submit has reference to Christ the Lord. Fathers are to bring their children up in the Lord. Bondservants are to serve their earthly masters sincerely as “bondservants of Christ”. And Masters are to rule being ever mindful of the fact that Christ is their Master.  In each and every instance, then, authority and submission is to offered up as and act of submission to Christ.

To make it more concrete, children when mom or dad asks you do something, or tells you that you can’t do something, it is important that you honor and obey them even if you don’t like their decision. You shouldn’t talk back. You shouldn’t show a fit (neither the toddler kind of fit, nor the teenager kind). Instead you should say, “yes, mom” or “yes, dad” and then follow that up with obedience and respect. Ultimately you should do this in the Lord and in service to Christ.  

One last question before moving on to the rationale and the motive. Is there ever a time when a child should disobey his or her parents? You might be surprised to hear me say, yes! A child is right to disobey his or her parents when what the parent commands or forbids is in direct contradiction to what God commands or forbids. I doubt any of our children will ever experience this, but some children in the world do. To give a rather innocuous example, if an unbelieving parent were to say to a child who believes, you are not aloud to pray to God or to speak of Christ to your friends, the child is right to pray and to speak of Christ, for when the two are in conflict we are bound to obey God and not man. But even then the child should offer up the righteous disobedience respectfully and with pure conduct. 

*****

The Rationale

Let us now consider the rationale of the Apostle. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right”, he says. Why should children obey their parents? What is the rationale or reason? The Apostle says they should obey, “for this is right.” 

And what does  it mean for something to be “right”?

Consider three things: 

One, things are right when they are in accord with the way God designed them to be. God designed the world and all that is in it to function in a particular way. Things are right when they function according to God’s design. They are wrong when they out of step with God’s design. As it pertains to the family, God’s design is that wives submit to their husbands, that husbands loving lead their wives by giving themselves up for them, and that children honor their parents by obeying them. Things are right when each one is doing their part. Something is wrong when they do not. The Christian must understand this most foundation truth: in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And he designed the world in general, and the family in particular, to function in a particular way. We ought to be eager to do what is right — this is, to live according to God’s design — in the family, and in every other sphere of life.  

Two, things are right when they are in accord with God’s moral law as revealed in nature. Not only has God designed the world in a particular way, he has also revealed his moral law to men and women. In fact, the scriptures are clear that he has written this moral law on man’s heart. Paul teaches this most clearly in Romans chapters 1 and 2. There he speaks of this law that is written upon the heart of every person. And there he speaks of the conscience that resides within man. The obligation for children to honor and obey their parents is not unique to Christian children. All children are to honor their parents. This is a part of God’s moral law, written upon the heart of man at creation. God’s moral (or natural) law reveals what is right. Even the unbeliever who does not have access to the scriptures has access to this moral law. It is written upon their heart (even though they have suppressed and distorted it), and it is apparent in the world that God has made (even if they are blind to it). Those who are wise in the world perceive God’s moral law and strive to keep it. Something is right when it is in accord with God’s moral law as revealed in nature. 

And three, something is right when it is in accord with God’s moral law as revealed in scripture. Yes, God’s moral is revealed in nature. It is revealed so clearly that men and women are justly held accountable for breaking it (God will judge them by this law on the last day). But God’s moral law is revealed much more clearly in the scriptures. In the scriptures we find the moral law. The ten commands are a summary of it. And in the scriptures we find wisdom. They tell us how we ought to live with great specificity and clarity. And of course the gospel is also revealed there. Through we have violated God’s law in thought, word and deed, and though we are deserving of God’s judgment, he has mercifully provided a Savior, Christ Jesus the Lord. Through faith in him we have the forgivness of sins, reconciliation with God, and the hope of life eternal, along with many other blessings. But here we are talking about the law. God’s moral law is revealed in the scriptures clearly and concretely. And in the scriptures the Christian learns what is right and what is wrong. 

Notice that the Apostle, after commanding children to obey their parents, and after declaring that “this is right”, then supports his claim that this is right by quoting the fifth of the ten commandments, which says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” I suppose that Paul could have demostrated it is right for children to obey their parents by reasoning from nature and appealing to the natural law. He could have argued that it is good for the children to learn to respect authority, that it is good for society, and that children obeying their parents within the family has been the custom in all societies from the dawn of time. But Paul is writing to Christians who believe the scriptures to be the word of God, and so he simply sites the command of to prove that this is right: “Honor your father and your mother”, the law says. 

Friends, you cannot earn salvation through the keeping of the law. As it pertains to our right standing before God, the law condemns us, for we have all broken God’s law. We cannot expect to be justified by keeping God’s law, for we are all transgressors. In this sense, the law is a curse to us. It condemns, if cannot save. 

But let us not forget that law of God is good. Indeed, it is very good provided that we approach it properly. The law is good in that it shows us our need for a savior. It is used by God to drive sinners to faith in Christ. The gospel is that Christ keep the law of God for us, and he died in the place off sinners, death being the just penalty for sin. The forgivness of sins is recieved through faith in Christ. But before we can repent and believe, we must recognize our need for a savior. And we will recognize our need only by considering God’s law as we come to the realization that we have broken it, and knowing that we stand before God guilty and condemned. In this sense, the law is good. It is good that we know the truth concerning our sin and guilt, and thus recognize our need. 

And the law is also good in another sense. The moral law of God, reveled in nature generally, and reveled in scripture specifically and clearly, tells us what is right and what is wrong. Men and women living in this world struggle to know what is right and wrong. This is due to the corruptions in them, their blindness and hardness of heart. But the scriptures reveal it clearly.

What should the Christians attitude be towards the law? We must start by confessing that it cannot save. Salvation is only through faith in Christ who, as the God-man, kept the law on behalf of sinners and bore the curse of the law in the place of sinners. But on the other hand, the Christian should love and cherish the law of God, for the Spirit of God uses the law to discipline those God loves, and to guide them in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 

Our attitude towards the law should be the same at the Psalmests as expressed in Pslam 119. There we read, among other things, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. Deal bountifully with your servant, that I may live and keep your word. Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me! My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times. You rebuke the insolent, accursed ones, who wander from your commandments. Take away from me scorn and contempt, for I have kept your testimonies. Even though princes sit plotting against me, your servant will meditate on your statutes. Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.” (Psalm 119:9–24, ESV)

Brothers and sisters, may this be your prayer also. May it be true of you that you store up God’s word in your heart, long to be taught the statutes of the Lord and delight in them as much as in all riches, knowing that by keeping them you will bring glory to God and find the blessings of life abundant. 

Little ones, it is our prayer that you would learn this truth from a young age. May the Lord bless you with wisdom. May he use the law to bring you to  faith in Christ. And once in the faith, may the law of God be your delight. I pray that you soon come to see that living under God’s authority and in obedience to law of God is the very best way to live. And the very first place that you will learn this is in the home as you learn to obey your parents. This is right. For the law says, “Honor your father and your mother.”

*****

The Motive

Lastly, let us briefly consider the motive. After Paul quotes the fifth commandment, which says, “Honor your father and mother”, he adds the remark, “this is the first commandment with a promise”, and then continues on with quoting the fifth commandment, which does indeed contain a promise, saying, “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:2–3, ESV). Here is a motive for children to honoring and thus obey their parents: “that it may go well with [them] and that [they] may live long in the land.”

When Paul says that the fifth commandment is the first commandment with a promise he means two things. 

One, the fifth commandment is the “first commandment” in the sense that it is the leading or principle commandment in the second table of the law. As you know, the moral law of God is summarized in ten commandments. And those ten commandments are divided into two sections. The first four commands have to do with man’s relation to God. The last six have to do with man’s relation to man. And the fifth commandment — honor your father and mother”, is the first or principle commandment of the second table of the law. As I have said, learning to love and properly relate to man begins in the home. It is in the home, though obedience to parents, that children are to learn to keep commandments six through ten from the heart. I think this is what Paul means when he say that the fifth commandment is the first commandment. It wouldn’t make much sense for him to say that the fifth commandment is the first commandment to have a promise attached to it, for in fact, it is the only commandment with a promise. In this case “first” means first in rank or importance. 

Think about that for a moment. If I were to ask, which commandment of the last 6 is of first importance?, what do you suspect most people would say? I suspect they would choose the sixth commandment which is, “you shall not murder” on the grounds that murder is the most heinous sin forbidden sin the second table of the law. But Paul identified the fifth as being the first in rank. And in fact, God himself identified the fifth as first I rank when he gave it the position that he did, as head of the second table of the law. To state the matter differently, I wonder if most people wouldn’t consider the fifth to be of least importiance.  Murder, adultery, stealing, lying and covetousness — those are bad sins! But disobedience within the home… what’s the big deal? God’s perspective is the opposite. Though the sin of murder is heinous, men and women murder from the heart. And it is in the home that heart is to be trained to love God as supreme and to love others as yourself. It all starts in the home, and so the command to honor father and mother is given first place.  

And two, Paul then draws our attention to the fact that this first commandment does have a promise attached to it, namely, ”that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Let me make a few remarks about this promise. 

Originally, the promise was delivered to Israelite children and so the promise of long life in the land had specific reference to the land of Canaan. If Israelite children would honor their parents they should expect to have a good and blessed life in the land of Canaan. 

Two, this promise is to be understood as general precept. Certainly therefore some in Israel who, although they did in fact honor their father and mother, experienced difficulty in this life and lived only a short time in the land. This is the reality of life. Sometimes the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper. The promise concerning a blessed and long life is to be understood as a general precept. The Proverbs are also to be interpreted in this way. Generally, those who are diligent in their work prosper, while sluggards come to ruin, but this is not always true. There are exceptions to the rule. And generally when parents “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, ESV). But this is not always the case. The word “promise” here in Ephesians 6 must be understood in this way as it pertains to life on this earth. Generally, honoring ones parents leads to a blessed and long life in the land, whereas those who are rebellious  come to ruin. 

Three, Paul applies this same principle to the New Covenant people of God who do not have a land of their own as it pertains to the Kingdom of God, but live as exiles and sojourners. The promise is that those whop honor their parents will in general, and in one way or another, be blessed wherever God has planted them in his good providence. 

This promise concerning a blessed life and along life is a motivation for obedience. It is not the only motivation. I’m not even sure it should be our primary motivation. A child should honor his or her parents being driven, above all else, by their love for God, their love for their parents, and because it is right. But this is a motivation none-the-less — those who honor their parents will be blessed as they live on the earth. For those who are in Christ, it will certainly be true in the world to come. Those who honor their father and mother are storing up treasures in heaven. 

*****

Conclusion

Let me make just a few brief suggestions for application by way of conclusion. 

The most obvious is this: Children, it is so very importaint that you honor and obey your parents. Do this because it is right. Do this in the Lord, trusting him for your salvation, depending upon him for strength, and for his glory. Honor and obey your parents even when you don’t feel like it. Honor and obey them even when you disagree with them, our don’t understand why they are taking the position that they are taking. This is something that young children must decide to do. Instead of talking back to mom and dad, or throwing a fit when you don’t get what you want, littles ones should learn to say, “yes, mom” and “yes, dad”. If you are a young child you should decide to always honor your parents and to obey. And this is also true for older children who are still living at home. You too must decide to always honor and obey mom and dad, even if you don’t quite understand or agree with their point of view. This is right. This is pleasing to the Lord. The day will come when you will leave your father and your mothers house to form your own. Then the obligation to obey your parents will come to an end. But you will still need to honor them in the Lord. Think upon these things, children. Ask yourself, do I honor and obey my parents, or am I disrespectful and disobedient. If you love God and Christ, you should show it by obeying your patents.  

Secondly I will address the parents. Parents, we must teach our children many things as we prepare them for adulthood, but one of the most fundamental things we must teach our children is how to respect authority. They will learn this primarily by learning to honor you, their parent. As they learn to honor and live in obedience to you, they will also learn how to honor God and those whom God has delegated power within the civil and ecclesiastical realms. Stated negativity, if child does not first learn to honor their parents, they will struggle to honor God and this who have authority over them in the world, whatever kind of authority that may be. Therefore parents should not tolerate willful defiance and disrespect from their children. The scriptures are clear, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24, ESV). Parents must discipline their children. And sometimes corporal punishment is appropriate. Corporal punishment must be delivered very carefully though. Never should parents spank out of anger. Never should parents be overly harsh with their children, doing physical harm. Never should parents fail to instruct before and after punishment, especially punishment of this kind. And never should parents fail to reassure their children of their love before and after corporal punishment is administered. And lastly, parents must choose carefully when to administer corporal punishment. Children should not be spanked for being children — for being hyper or careless, or for making some other mistake associated with their immaturity. By I do believe that spankings are in order where there is willful deference and disrespect of the parent, or some other authority figure. It is imperative that children learn to honor their father and mother. And corporal punishment does have a way of grabbing the attention and communicating that it is a grave sin to dishonor the authority that God has placed over them. I suppose I will have an opportunity to say more about this when we consider the next verse which says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV).

Thirdly and lastly I will speak to all Christians saying, as we seek to promote the wellbeing our society we must encourage others, even non-believers, to form strong families by appealing to God’s moral law as revealed in nature and  in the Holy Scripture. God’s design is that children would be conceived by a man and a woman devoted to one another for life in the bonds of marriage. His design is that the man and women would fulfill their commitments to one another as husband and wife, and that they would fulfill their obligations to the child as mother and father. Christian parents must be encouraged to love one another in the Lord, and to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV). This should be our primary concern, for this will also promote the advancement of the kingdom of God on earth. But if we care for the well being of society (which we should) then we will also encourage the formation of healthy families even amongst those who do not believe. I can’t think of a better way to do this then by example, and through personal interaction with others as we live as salt and light in the world. 

Husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, must not neglect marriage and the family in order to chase after other pursuits. God instituted marriage and the family in the beginning for the good of society, and also as instruments to be used for the furtherance of the kingdom of God on the earth. 

I’ll leave it to you to consider the weaknesses and wickedness that exist with the church today and within our culture and to ask, how much of this can be traced back to a breakdown within the family? We should certainly seek the wellbeing of our society and encourage strong families where children will be taught to honor authority and to obey God moral law. But brothers and sisters, it must start in our families. Parent’s must take seriously the responsibility too raise their children in the Lord, to teach them God’s law and how to live according to wisdom. And children, you must also do your part: “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land’” (Ephesians 6:1–3, ESV).

Tags: Ephesians 6:1-3

Posted in Sermons Ephesians 6:1-3
Comments Off on Sermon: Ephesians 6:1-3: It All Starts In The Home Posted by Joe

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AT HOME OR IN GOSPEL COMMUNITY GROUPS

Sermon manuscript available at emmausrbc.org

• What is the simple command that Paul issues to husbands?
• How is a husband to love his wife? What should it look like? What should his manner be?
• How does the Apostle reason with the husband in order to motivate him to love his wife?
• What should the husband’s primary motivation be to love his wife?
• What are some practical and specific ways a  husband can love his wife?
• How might this teaching apply to anyone who is in a position of authority over others?

Tags: Gospel Community Groups

Posted in Study Guides Gospel Community Groups
Comments Off on Discussion Questions For Sermon On Ephesians 5:25-33 Posted by Joe

Old Testament Reading: Leviticus 19:9–18

“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field right up to its edge, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard. You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the LORD your God. You shall not steal; you shall not deal falsely; you shall not lie to one another. You shall not swear by my name falsely, and so profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired worker shall not remain with you all night until the morning. You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God: I am the LORD. You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor. You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:9–18, ESV)

New Testament Reading: Ephesians 5:25-33

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:25–33, ESV)

*****

[Please excuse any and all typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church, but without the benefit of proofreading.] 

Introduction

In the previous passage the Apostle began to encourage a worthy walk within the Christian home. He started by commanding wives to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord. And while the sermon last week was directed mainly towards wives, there was something for all of us to learn about submission and authority in general, for we are all called to submit to someone, and most have authority over someone. In our submission, we are to submit as to the Lord. And in our authority, we ae lead with the love of Christ.

Here in the passage that is before us today the Apostle turns his attention to Christian husbands and says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV). 

*****

The Command: Husbands, Love Your Wives (v. 25)

You will notice that the Apostle devotes three times as much space to his instructions for husbands when compared to his instructions for wives. But you will also notice that the command that he gives to husbands is really quite simple. The central command is restated three times in this passage. Verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Verse 28: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.” And verse 33: “However let each one of you love his wife as himself.” Clearly the Apostle’s central concern is to communicate that husbands are to love their wives. Everything else that he says in this passages communicates the manner, rationale and motive for the husband to fulfill the command to love his wife. 

It should be recognized that Paul does not command the husband to rule or to merely lead his wife, but to love her. It would not have been surprising for Paul to say, husbands lead you wives, given what he said about the relationship between the wife and husband in the previous passage. Consider verses 22-24 again: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Given this teaching, it would not have been unreasonable for Paul to say, husbands lead your wives. But he does not. Instead, three times he tells husbands to love their wives. This is how they are to lead, by loving.

When Paul wrote to the Colossians and addressed the relationship between husbands and wives he was  more  direct. To them he said, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18–19, ESV). You will notice that Paul says essentially the same thing to the Ephesians, but here the Apostle elaborates. In Ephesians Paul also addresses the manner, the rationale and the motive for the husbands love. 

In our day it is what Paul says to wives concerning submission that is considered controversial. But in the first century Greco-Roman context Paul’s command for husbands to love their wives would have been considered controversial. It was not at all uncommon for husbands to maintain a rather cold and utilitarian kind of relationship with their wives. Wives were to bear children. They were to raise the children and manage the home. Often times husbands were content if they could simply trust their wives to fulfill these duties. Tenderness and sense of companionship was often lacking. But Paul commands Christian men to go beyond this. They are not to rule or merely lead, but to love their wives. And this view springs quite naturally from the biblical view of marriage. In marriage a husband and wife enter into a one flesh union. In marriage a husband and wife are companions by virtue of their covenant bond. It will not do, therefore, for a husband to rule his wife or to merely lead her. Instead, the Christian husband is to love his wife. This is how he is to lead her — this is how he is to fulfill his role as head over her — he is to love her. 

Now love is terribly misunderstood in our day. Many assume that love is an emotion that is felt. Many equate it with romance and attraction. And while love does sometimes involve these things, it is something else at its core. 

To love is to “count others more significant than [yourself].” To love is to “look not only to [your] own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3–4, ESV). To love is to take the posture of a servant. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, ESV). And this is how husbands are to treat their wives. They are to loving lead them. 

Stated differently, husbands are to treat their wives in the same way that all Christians have been called to treat one another. Consider again Ephesians 4:25. I’ve adapted the text to make it specific to the marriage bond. Husbands are to “put away falsehood… [and] speak the truth with [their wife], for [they] are members one of another. [If they are] angry [never are they to] sin; [they should] not let the sun go down on [their] anger…” Verse 29: They are to “let no corrupting talk come out of [their] mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to their [wife].” They must not “grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom [they] were sealed for the day of redemption.” They must “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from [them], along with all malice.” The husbands is to be “be kind to [his wife], tenderhearted, forgiving [her], as God in Christ forgave [them]” (Ephesians 4:25–32, ESV). Christian husbands are to relate to their wives in a Christianly way. They are not held to a lower standard when it comes to their relationship with their wife, but a  higher one! Not only are they united  to their wives in  Christ (assuming they are also believers), they are also bound together in one flesh union, as we will see. The standard is not lower, by higher, therefore. If all Christians are called to relate to one another as described in Ephesians 4:25ff., how much more are they to relate to their wives in this wife! 

So Christian husbands are not called to rule over their wives or to merely lead them. They are called to something higher!  They are to lead in love, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church…” (Ephesians 5:23, ESV).

*****

The Manner: Love Her, As Christ Loved The Church (vs. 25-27)

In the second half of verse 25 the Apostle begins to describe the manner in which the husband is to love his wife. What should his love look like? That is the question. And Paul answers saying, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” 

The Christian husband is to lead his wife, for he is the head of his wife. He has authority over her. He is responsible for her, therefore. And how is he to lead? He is to lead by loving her. And what is this love to look like? What is it to involve? Once more, the Christian husband is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church.” If the Christian husband wishes to know how to love his wife he must look to Christ and carefully consider Christ’s love for the church. There is his model! Just as Christ is the head of the Church, so too the husband is head of his wife. And the husband is to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church.” 

So how did Christ love the church? Well, many things could be said about that. But Paul’s little phrase, “and gave himself up for her” sums it up nicely. Christ loved the church — that is to say, all who will believe upon him to the salvation of their souls — by giving himself up for her. And this is how the Christian husband is to relate to his wife. He is to mimic Christ by giving himself up for his bride. 

Christ lived for the good of his bride — that is to say, the church. He suffered for her. He died for her. He saw to it that her every spiritual need was provided for. In short, he gave himself up for her. And the Apostle elaborates on what Christ has done for his bride saying that he gave himself up for her “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:26–27, ESV).

There are two metaphors being utilized here in verses 26 and 27. 

First of all, Paul uses the language of sacrifice and purification to describe what Christ has done for the church. He gave himself up for her as a sacrifice. That is the meaning. 

By the way, the doctrine of limited atonement is taught here. Question: For whom did Christ die? Answer: he died as a sacrifice for his bride, that is to say, the church. He died for the elect of God in every age. And this corresponds to John 10:15 where Jesus is heard saying, “I lay down my life for the sheep” (John 10:15, ESV). But I digress. 

The question that is before us today is, how did Christ love the church? And the answer is that he gave himself up for her as a sacrifice so that he might sanctify her — that is to say, set her apart and make her holy — “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word”. Again, this is the language of sacrifice and purification. Christ shed his blood so that his people might be cleansed. And they receive this cleansing through the hearing of the word of God, the gospel of truth, as they believe upon his name, all of this being symbolized in the waters of baptism. And this is what the Apostle has in mind when he says, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…” Christ has purified his people by giving himself up for them.

Secondly, Paul uses the language of a wedding when he says, “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish…” The church is the bride of Christ. The church — that is to say, all who believe upon Christ in every time and place — has been purified and cleansed by Christ in preparation for her wedding day. That is what Paul is here refering to. And when will this wedding be? Answer: When Christ returns!

Do not forget what that angel said to John near to the end of the book of Revelation: “Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9, ESV).

And remember how Paul spoke to the corinthians saying, “For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2, ESV). Clearly, this was Paul’s view. The church is the betrothed bride of Christ. She is betrothed to him and will be wed to him, spiritually speaking, at the consumption of all things. Then we feast at the the wedding supper of the Lamb. 

Now clearly, the husband is not Christ. He is not the Savior of his wife. He did not, nor can he, die for her to atone for her sins. He cannot sanctify her in the way that Christ can. But the husband is to memic Christ in these things. The husband is to love his as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her. 

Christ’s love for the church is unconditional, friends. He loved us and gave his life for us, not because we were deserving, but by his grace alone. He loved us, not because he found us to be lovely, but to make us lovely. We were his enemies, remember, were dead in our sins and by nature children wrath, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:4–7, ESV). Christ’s love for the church is unconditional. And so is the husbands love for his wife to be. And yet so often our love is conditioned upon the performance of others. Though we might never say it with our lips, we say it in our hearts: I’ll love you provided that you are lovely. But this is what the law says, and not the gospel. In the law God says, do this and you shall live. And none, except one, can keep it. And so none, except one, will find life in the law. But the gospel says, live, for this is what Christ has done for you unconditionally! Husbands, will you love your wives unconditionally as Christ has loved the church.   

Christ’s love for the church is sacrificial. He gave himself up for her. And I will not repeat what I have already said, but will simply remind you to think beyond the heroic, and to bring this principle into the day to day realities of marriage. When you rise from bed in the morning do not first think, what do I want out of today? But what does God want from me, and what would please my wife and meet her needs? Brothers, if this sounds like miserable to you, then you have not yet learned the way of Christ the Servant.    

Christ’s love for the church is a sanctifying love. Again, the husband is not Christ. Neither is the husband the Holy Spirit. Never should he try to be. Sanctification is God’s work to do, not ours. But the husband is to be used by the Lord to sanctify his wife, just as the wife will surely be used by the Lord to sanctify her husband. Husband, encourage your wife in the faith. Pray for her. Minister the word of God to her. Never be harsh with her, which is what Paul specifically warns against in Colossians, saying, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18–19, ESV). And it is what Peter had in mind when he said, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV). Never should the husband be harsh. And neither should he nag or nitpick. In fact,  a husband would be wise to affirm his wife often, to build her up with his words, and to be very careful when offering words of criticisms. “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4, ESV)

The command: Husbands, love your wives. 

And in what manner, you ask? “…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

*****

The Rationale: Love Her, For You Are One Flesh With Her (vs. 28-31)

Now we turn our attention to verses 28-31 where the Apostle reasons with husbands to love their wives on the basis of their one flesh union with them. The argument is this: brother, love your wife, for you are one flesh with her! Given that you are one with her in the marriage bond, loving your wife means that you love yourself.

Listen again to verses 28-31: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:28–31, ESV)

Notice that Paul roots his reasoning in scripture by quoting Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” When a husband and wife enter into the covenant of marriage, they become one flesh. Their lives  are joined together as one. This is true of every legitimate marriage whether or not the couple knows it. 

And notice the mention of the church union with Christ with the words,  “just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” So again, there is a connection that  is to be made between the one flesh union that exists between husbands and wives, and the Spirit wrought union that exists between Christ and all who believe upon his name. If we have faith in Christ then we are joined to him by the Spirit. He is the head, and  we are the body. 

And finally, notice the rationale. If it is true that a  husband is so joined to his wife in the covenant of marriage, then it follows that he would be wise to love her, nourish her and cherish her, and fool not to. Again, “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…”There are exceptions to the rule, of course. Some do engage in self harm. But that also makes the point. Those who engage in self harm are broken and in need healing and restoration, while those who are well nourish and cherish their own flesh to the glory of God.

 Husbands ought to love their wives, for they are one flesh with them. 

I have often exhorted Christian men to love their wives, to serve them and cherish them by presenting the rationale of the Apostle, saying, trust me, brother, you’ll be glad that you did! Do you want it good, brother? Then love your wife. Live, not for yourself, but for her. Lay aside your desires, and seek to fulfill hers. And just watch how that will come back to bless you.

Now, I understand that this reasoning can be twisted and misapplied by those who are self serving in the heart. I do not think that loving our wives so that we might blessed should be our primary motivation, friends. Our love for God and our sincere love for our wife should be the primary motives. Nevertheless, this is a motivation. In fact, the scriptures do often call us to obedience to God — obedience of all kinds — by reminding us of how blessed it is to obey him.  

Take for example Psalm 1:1:“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:1–3, ESV). This passage is famous for  encouraging obedience to God by appealing to the blessing (or true happiness) that it brings. 

And in Matthew 10:39 we hear Christ himself say, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39, ESV). This is counterintuitive to the worldly man. The world assumes that to find life — abundant and fulfilling life — one ought to live life for themselves. But here Christ teaches that true life is found when we die to self and live for Christ instead. 

The exhortation that Paul delivers to Christian husbands might also seem counterintuitive at first. Do you want to be blessed in your marriage, brother? Then lay down your life for your bride. Live, not for yourself, but for her. Make her happiness your leading concern. Make meeting her needs your aim. And watch and see how blessed you will be! This is the reasoning of the Apostle. All Christians will blessed as they live, not to please themselves, but to please God and others. And this is especially true for Christian husbands given the reality of the one flesh union that exists in the marriage bond.

[APPLICATION: Brothers, you will need to  reflect on this point and ask, am I loving my wife and living for her good, or am I self-centered? Your impulse might be to say, well of course I love her! But I am asking you to reflect carefully and deeply on this point.

Are you daily and momentarily laying down your life for your wife? And please fight the impulse to think in terms of the heroic. How many men would happily say, “I would die for you, dear”, who at the same time grumble at the thought of helping with the dishes, or are negligent when it comes to spending quality time with their wives to be sure that her spiritual needs are met. Men, when the scriptures call us to lay down our lives for our wives it is not primarily about the heroic, but is in the common and daily affairs of life that this self-sacrificial living is to be manifest.

Live with your wives in an understanding way, brothers. 

Do not be harsh with them. 

Build them up with your words, and never tear them down. 

Be tenderhearted, compassionate and forgiving.

Remember that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, ESV).

The command: Husbands, love your wives. 

The manner: “…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

The rationale: Given the one flesh union that exists in the marriage bond,  “he who loves his wife loves himself.” 

*****

The Motive: Love Her, To Display Christ’s Love For The Church (vs. 32)

And lastly we will consider the primary motive: Husbands are to love their wives, for when they do they put on display Christ’s love for the church. Stated differently, when husbands love their wives as they ought, the marvelous love and grace that God has shown to us in Christ Jesus is put on display, which the design for marriage from the beginning.

Consider verse 32: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32, ESV).

Let us consider this verse carefully, for these are deep waters.  

The first question we must answer is, what does the “this” refer to at the beginning of verse 32?  “This mystery is profound”, the Apostle says. What mystery? 

Well, the “this” must refer back to the one flesh union that exists between husband and wife that was mentioned in the previous verse in the quote from Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” The Apostle calls this one flesh union a “mystery.”

Paul may have in mind that this union is a mystery because it is wrought by the Spirit of God. We cannot see this union, nor are fully able to comprehend how two individuals become one in the covenant of marriage.

 But please understand that when Paul uses the word “mystery” he often has in mind those truths concerning the Christ that were dimly revealed prior to the arrival of the Christ, tha have been revealed clearly now that the Christ has come. And I believe this is how Paul is using the word “mystery” here. He wants for us to see that from the beginning marriage was designed by God to function as a picture of the union that would exist between Christ and his redeemed bride, the church. This union between Christ and his church was revealed dimly in ages past in the covenant of marriage, but now that the Christ has come, and now that the New Covenant has been instituted in his blood, that which was once a mystery has been made clear. And that is why Paul says, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit,  “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

Paul calls the one flesh union enjoyed by husband and wife a “profound”, or very great, “mystery”. And he says that it  “refers to”, pertains to, or has reference to, “Christ and the church.” This means that the one flesh union experienced by husband and wife is, above and before all else, a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church.

[APPLICATION: Truly, this mystery is profound. And I would encourage you all to think about it. Marriage was designed by God to portray his love for his people in Christ Jesus. That is marvelous to consider! And it is also a sobering thought, for it means that marriage is only or primary about the happiness of the two who are wed, nor is it only for the good of the family or society. Instead, it is for the glory of God. Marriage is designed to magnify the marvelous grace and superabundant love of God for us in Christ Jesus. And if this is God’s design for marriage, then we had better be sure to fulfill God’s purpose. 

Husbands, I do hope that you feel the weightiness of the call of God that is upon you to love your wife as Christ loved the church. It is an awesome responsibility. And it is a great privilege with many blessings attached. May we be eager to fulfill this call being motivated above all else to give glory to God by putting on display Christ’s unconditional and never ceasing love for his bride, the church.

*****

Conclusion

Finally, Paul concludes his exhortation to husbands and wives with these simple words: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, ESV). May the Lord give us grace to daily die to self, and to live instead for the glory of God and the good of others. 

Tags: Ephesians 5:22-33

Posted in Sermons Ephesians 5:22-33
Comments Off on Sermon: Ephesians 5:25-33: Husbands, Love Your Wives, As Christ Loved The Church Posted by Joe

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AT HOME OR IN GOSPEL COMMUNITY GROUPS

Sermon manuscript available at emmausrbc.org

• Why is it important to remember the command concerning  mutual submission in 5:21 as we move into the section of Paul’s letter dealing with particular submission (and authority) within the home (5:22-6:9)?
• What does it mean for a wife to “submit” to her husband?  Will submission look the same, practically speaking, in every home? Discuss. 
• Are there limits to a wife’s submission? In other words, is there ever a time when it is right for a wife to go against her husband’s wishes? Is it ever permissible for a wife to divorce her husband? If so, under what circumstances? 
• What is the primary motivation for a wife to submit to her husband?
• Though the particular roles of husband and wife differ, what do they share in common? In other words, what is the common denominator shared between the wife’s call to submission and the husband’s call to headship? 
• Although this sermon was directed at wives, how might these same principles apply to all Christains?

Tags: Gospel Community Groups

Posted in Study Guides Gospel Community Groups
Comments Off on Discussion Questions For Sermon On Ephesians 5:21-24 Posted by Joe

Old Testament Reading: Genesis 2:18-25

“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.’” (Genesis 2:18–25, ESV)

New Testament Reading: Ephesians 5:22-24

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22–24, ESV)

*****

[Please excuse any and all typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church, but without the benefit of proofreading.] 

Introduction

As we come now into this section of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians wherein he addresses relationships that exist within the home and distinguishes between those who have been given authority and those who are to submit to authority, it is important that we not forget the general command that was issued in 5:21 regarding mutual submission.

There in 5:21 Paul commands all who are in Christ to “[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, ESV). This submission of verse 21 is called “mutual submission” because it is to be offered by everyone and to everyone within the church of Christ without distinction or qualification. So there is a sense in which all Christians— officers and members, men and women, young and old, rich and poor — are to “[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ.” 

As Paul says elsewhere, all Christians are to be “of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” They are to do “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than [themsleves].” They are to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of others.” They must “have this mind among [themsleves], which is [theirs] in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:2–8, ESV). This is to be the disposition of every Christian, no mater their station in life. They are to be like their Savior who, although he would possess all authority in heaven and on earth, dressed himself in the garb of a servant and washed his disciples feet. This he did to give them an example of how to wield the authority that they would possess as his Apostles (see John 13:15). When Jesus washed the feet of his Apostles it was to illustrate what he had taught them on another occasion, saying, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25–28, ESV).

I have returned to the principle of mutual submission found in Ephesians 5:21 before moving on to consider Paul’s commands to particular submission in 5:22 so that we might ever keep in mind the spirit of Christian authority. Those with authority in Christ are to serve. Those with authority — elders and deacons, husbands, parents and managers — are to lead, doing “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility [counting] others more significant than [themsleves].” They are to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of others”, for this was the way of Christ. 

While it is true that the principle of “mutual submission” cannot be forgotten, neither can we ignore the Paul’s commands regarding “particular submission”. It cannot be denied that in Ephesians 5:22-6:9 Paul does teach that wives, children and bondservants are to offer a particular kind of submission to those who have authority over them. Wives are to “submit to [their] own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). Children are to “obey [their] parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1, ESV). Bondservants are to “obey [their] earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as [they] would Christ…” (Ephesians 6:5, ESV). 

The principle of mutual submission is popular in our culture today. The teaching that all are to submit to one another universally, without distinction or qualification is rather unoffensive. But as you know some within our culture will respond with distain to the idea that the some have authority over others in this world, and that honor is to be given to those who have authority. 

I do understand that the reasons for the resistance to authority are complex. In some cases, authority is resisted because those with authority have been abusive. Nevertheless, it is important for you to see, Christian, that God has called us all to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, and for some to offer up submission to those whom the Lord has placed over them for the good of the church, the family and for society at large. 

As I have just said, the portion of Ephesians that we are about to consider is controversial. And we should not be surprised that some have attempted to explain it away. One of the common approaches to the dismissal of Paul command for wives to submit to their husbands, for example, is to claim that Paul was addressing husband and wives according to the cultural norms of that day, but that times have changed. “We have made progress”, the progressives say, “and we no longer bound to follow these customs.” 

But consider three things in response to the progressive view of Ephesians 5:22ff.: 

One, Paul’s command for wives to submit to their husbands is not rooted in culture, but in creation and in Christ. Later in verse 31 we will hear Paul support his instructions for husbands by quoting from Genesis 2:24, which says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, ESV). And here in Paul’s instructions for wives he compares the relationship between husbands and wife to Christ’s relationship to the church. As we will see, the marriage bond was designed to function as a picture of Christs relationship to the church. We will discuss that more later. But for now see that Paul instructions for husbands and wives are rooted, not in the cultural trend of his day, but in creation and Christ. In other words, this is how thing are to be because this is the way that God designed them to be. 

Two, children are also command in this passage to obey their parents, “for this is right”, the Apostle says. I wonder if the progressive will be consistent in their interpretation and say that Paul’s commmand for a child to obey their parents was also rooted in the cultural norms of the day. And yes, I do understand that some are this radical — they believe that we are to progress beyond the so-called “traditional family model”. But I would assume that most progressives would agree with the Apostle when he says that it “is right” for a child to obey their parents. And why is it right? It is right because this is the way that God designed us. He made us to be raised in families where children learn to  obey a mother who offers up submission to a father who loving leads. 

Three, all of this teaching concerning submission to authority is summarized in the fifth of the ten commandments, which says, “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Deuteronomy 5:16, ESV). I do love the teaching that our catechism provides on this commandment. It helps us to see that this commandments in not just about little children obeying mom and day (it is about that!), but it is about submission to authority in general. Baptist Catechism 69 asks, What is required in the fifth commandment? A: The fifth commandment requireth the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals.”

[APPLICATION: This idea, friends, that are “superiors, inferiors, [and] equals” as it pertains to authority and submission within the church, family, and society is being viscously assaulted today. And here is an instance where the church of Christ is able to be countercultural. We ought to show the world that is in fact exercise authority, but as a servant and in love, as Christ did. And we ought to show the world that is right and good to (with some rare exceptions) submit to authority wherever it exists, thought it be wielded by imperfect, and in so doing demonstrate our trust in and submission to God who Sovereign over all. Not all progress is good, friends. Progress is only true progress when it leads to greater obedience to God and the glory of his name. Let us be wise and discerning. May we have the courage to resist the current trends if they are contrary to God’s moral law.]

Paul does not address authority in the church here in this passage. Neither does he address political authority. Instead he address the authority and submission within the home. These are the three spheres in which we live our lives — the church, the home and society. These three spheres are interrelated, but they are to be distinguished. The Christian must learn to walk worthily and according to wisdom in all three. As I have said, here in Ephesians 5:22-6:9 the Apostle turns his attention to the home. And he begins with the most important relationship within the home — the relationship between husband and wife. It is not uncommon for married couples to allow their marriage relationship to take second place to the children when they become parents. But this is a terrible mistake. The relationship between husband and wife is the most vital relationship within the Christian family. The children will soon grow to adulthood and leave the home to establish their own. Husbands and wives will be left alone again. Their relationship had better be strong. And the children will be truly blessed to grow up under the guidance and protection of a loving marriage bond, and so Paul address husbands and wives first. 

Notice that the Apostle devotes three times as much space to his instructions for husbands. 9 verses are devoted to them in 5:25-33, whereas only 3 verses are devoted to the wives. I suppose we can debate as to why that is. One reason might be that what Paul had to say to husbands would have been far more controversial in his day than what he had to say to wives. But he starts with the wives, saying, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). Paul’s instructions for Christian wives will be our focus for the remainder of the sermon today. 

*****

Exhortation: Wives, Submit To Your Own Husbands, As To The Lord

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord”, Paul says. And he says something similar in Colossians 3:18: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” And the Apostle Peter says it this way: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1–2, ESV). And lastly, in Ephesians 5:33 Paul will conclude his exhortation to wives and husbands by saying, “let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, ESV). The teaching of scripture on this point is uniform and clear. Wives are called by God to submit to their husbands within the home. As I have said, this teaching would have been very much uncontroversial in the first century, but it is very controversial in our day.

Before moving on we should take just a moment to notice what Paul does not say. Notice that Paul does not say to that women are to submit to men, but rather that wives are to submit to their “own husbands”. This is a significant observation. Nowhere do the scriptures teach that women are to submit to men generally and in every sphere. Rather, they teach that men are to serve as officers within Christ’s church (reflecting male headship within the home), and that wives are to submit to their “own husbands”. 

Two, Paul does not command wives to obey their husbands as he will with children in relation to parents (6:1), and bondservants in relation to masters (6:5)). Instead Paul commands wives to “submit” to their husbands. And this is certainly more fitting for the relationship that exists between husband and wife, for they are companions. That is what she is called in Malachi 2:14 —  a “companion and… wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14, ESV). For this reason she is not called to dutifully obey, but to willing submit to her husband. 

So what does mean for a wife to submit to her husband? It means that she recognized the God given authority of her husband, honors it, and is willing to follow his lead.  

I am afraid that many misconceptions abound regarding the submission of the wife. Some picture an authoritarian husband and a wife who obeys him dutifully, mindlessly and begrudgingly. This is not what the scriptures call us to in marriage. Some imaging that male headship and female submission must translate to particular duties within the home. Many of these preconceptions are cultural, I’m afraid. While it is true the wife is called to in Titus 2:5 to be diligent in her management of the home, she is not forebidden from also working outside the home, nor is the husband forbidden from doing the dishes and moping the floor. Headship and submission will look different, practically speaking, from household to household. There are so many different personality types, skill sets and circumstances  — husbands and wives will need to sort things out to know how to best go about doing life together, practically speaking. But this thing cannot change within the Christian home: the husband must lovingly lead, and the wife must see to it that she submits to her husband, showing respect to him, for this is right and good and fitting. 

Questions will undoubtably arise.

What is a wife to do if her husbands comes short of what Ephesians 5:25-33 calls him to, namely, loving, self-sacrificial  and Christ-like leadership. What then? I would immagine that must wives would happily submit to their husbands if their husbands would only lead as Christ has called them to. But what is a wife to do if her husband falls short of that? Well, Peter addresses this in general, saying, “wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1–2, ESV). Of course a wife is to do other things as well. She is to pray for her husband. If he is a believer, she may certainly speak to him about obeying Christ in the marriage relationship. They together might even choose to seek help from within the church. But one thing a wife must not do is respond to her husband who is falling short by falling short herself! A Christian wife is to honor her husband even if he is acting dishonorably. She is to show him grace. Her conduct must always remain respectful and pure. And it may be that the Lord will use this to win the husband either to faith in Christ, or to a more worthy walk. Stated differently, Christian wives are to what Paul commanded all Christians to do back in 4:25 and following, where Paul said, “having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:25–32, ESV).

Another question might be, is there a limit to the wives submission? In other words, is there ever a time where she might go against her husbands wishes? And the answer is yes. A wife is to disobey her husband if the husband is leading her to disobey Christ. Elsewhere Paul says, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3, ESV). The authority that a husband possesses is not absolute. Far from it. The husband is under God’s authority, and under Christ’s. If the husband is leading the wife to disobey God and Christ, then she must say to him what Peter said to the high priest who forbid him from preaching Christ: “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29, ESV).

And is there ever a time when a wife is permitted to divorce her husband? In brief, the answer is yes, in the case of infidelity or abandonment. But these things must be handled with great care, lest we fall into great sin and make matters worse by our impatience and our unwillingness to bear up under times of difficulty for the glory of God and for our good. A wife would be foolish to enter into such a decision on her own, apart from the council of her pastors, and others who are godly and wise.

But in general, the command is that “Wives, submit to [their] own husbands, as to the Lord”. 

*****

Motive: As To The Lord

That last phrase in verse 22, “as to the Lord”, is very significant, for it introduces the motive for the wive’s submission. And pay careful attention to this: when a wife submits to her husband, she really is submits to Christ. That is what that little phrase means. Why is the Christian wife to honor, respect and submit to her husband? She is do so because Lord has commanded it — she is to do so out of submission to Christ!

Now, there may be other things motivating her as well. Her sincere love for her husband might also move her to submit. Her desire to have a blessed marriage might motivate her. The wife may also be concerned to see her children blessed as they observe her respectful and pure conduct. But supremly, her submission to her husband should be driven by her love for and submission to Christ!

Notice this, wives: The motivation for your submission is not found in your husband, but in Christ. The world says, I will honor him provided that he is honorable. The world says I will show him love and respect so long as he loves and respects me. And if he dishonors me, then I will dishonor him! And eye for an I, and a tooth for a tooth. But our marriages are not to function as a picture of God’s law, which says, do this and you shall live, but of the gospel and of the grace of God that has been shown to us in Christ Jesus. Wives, submit to your husbands, honor and respect them, not because they are deserving, but out of reverence for Christ. 

This truth will certainly help wives who are struggling in a difficult marriage where their husbands do not obey Christ. But this truth should also be an encouragement to wives who’s husbands are in the Lord. Even the best of Christian husbands will fall short of God’s calling to love their wives as Christ has loved the church. And wives, when they fall short, honor them, submit them, show them grace in Christ Jesus. If they are truly regenerate, your respectful and pure conduct will be used by the Lord to soften their hearts and to draw them back to a walk that is worthy. 

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

*****

Rationale: For The Husband Is The Head Of The Wife Even As Christ As The Head Of The Church, His Body, And Is Himself Its Savior

We have heard the exhortation. We have considered the motive. And in verse 23 we encounter the rational (or reason) for the wives submission: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23, ESV).

This verse is brief, but it is filled with meaning. 

First, the declaration: “the husband is the head of the wife”. In the context the metaphor of “head” must mean the husband is the one who has authority over the wife, the one who is responsible for her (and the family), and the one who must lead. We will turn our attention to husbands in the next section, and when we do husbands will be exhorted to lovingly fulfill their calling as head of their household. But for now simply notice that Pauls states it as a fact: “the husband is the head of the wife”.

And why does Paul state things so dogmatically? Doesn’t he know that sometimes the wives are more gifted leaders than the husbands? Shouldn’t he consider the differences in personality and temperament before assigning the role of “head” to the men only? 

He states things dogmatically in this way because it was Paul’s view (and it should also be ours) that God created men and women to function this way. Adam was made first, then Eve was taken from his side. She was made to correspond to him and to help him. And he was lovingly lead her as his head. 

That this was in fact Paul’s belief becomes clear in what see says next. After the declaration, “the husband is the head of the wife”, he provides and analogy, saying, “even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” So, as it pertains to headship and authority, the husband is to the wife, what Christ is to the church. This analogy can be pushed too far, of course. The husband is unlike Christ in many ways. Th husband is not the savior of the wife. The husband does not possess the same kind of authority that Christ has, namely, ultimate authority. But despite the obvious differences, the analogy is fitting. In the marriage covenant the husband is to the wife what Christ is to the church in the covenant of grace.

 Something profound is being established by here. A picture is beginning to emerge, I hope. We are beginning to see that marriage is not only for the happiness of those who are wed. Not only is it only for the good of the family and society. But there is something about the marriage relationship that corresponds to Christ’s relationship to the church. The marriage covenant is to image Christ’s covenantal relationship with his people. This picture is beginning to appear. Paul will elaborate upon it more in that section where he speaks to husbands, and he will eventually say it in a most direct way: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32, ESV)

I sincerely believe that this is the most important thing for you to grasp about marriage: the marriage covenant is not only for the good of the couple who is wed. It not only good for the family and society. It is designed to put the love of Christ for the church, and the submission of the church to Christ on full display for the world to see. Brothers and sisters, we must be mindful of this in Christ Jesus. Husbands, if you failing to lovingly lead your wife, you are not ony harming your wife and your household, you are missing out on opportunity to put Christ’s love for the church on display. And wives, if you are failing to lovingly submit to your husbands, you are not ony harming your husband and your household, but you are missing out on an opportunity to put the churches reciprocal love for Christ on display. Even worse yet we may be doing damage to reputation of Christ by failing to submit and lead as Christ has called us to in the marriage bond.

Why are wives to submit to their husbands? They are to do so “as to the Lord” because “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” 

*****

Extent: Now As The Church Submits To Christ, So Also Wives Should Submit In Everything To Their Husbands

Lastly, the Apostle delivers one last concluding exhortation while also describing the extent of the wives submission. Verse 24: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:24, ESV). 

What should the wive’s submission to her husband look like? What should it entail? She may look to the church’s relationship to Christ as an analogy. Once again, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:24, ESV). 

This is instructive. It continues to develop the analogy that was begun in verse 23. There the husband is compared to Christ in regard to headship, and here the wife is compared to the church in regard to submission. What is the maner an extent of the wive’s submission to her husband. Well, just as the church submits to Christ in all things, so too the wife is to submit to her husband in all things. 

*****

Conclusion

Brothers and sisters, this is a high calling. Christian wives are here in this passage called by the Lord to lay down their lives for the good of their husbands. Wives are here called to do “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count [their husbands] more significant than [themsleves].” They are to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of [their husbands].” They are called to “have this mind [in them], which is [theirs] in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:2–8, ESV). 

Wives, will you do this? Will you choose to honor your husbands always and in everything? Will you “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Will you determine to “be kind to [your husband], tenderhearted, forgiving [him], as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31–32, ESV). Will you do it for him? Will you do it for the sake of the children? Will you do it for the good of your own soul? And above all, will you do it for the sake of Christ, so that God would get the glory?

As you can probably tell, a very similar sermon is in the works for Christian husbands. Though the roles of husbands and wives do differ — the husband is called to loving lead and the wife to submit to him — they share this in common: the Christian husband must also lay down his life for the good of his wife. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV), will be the leading exhortation. 

May the Lord help us in these things. May the love of God for us in Christ Jesus be put on display as we lay down our lives for one another, love one another and forgive one another. May we learn to be gracious and kind, just as God has been gracious and kind to us. And in all things, may God get the glory. 

*****

Concluding Prayer

Pastoral Prayer

Tags: Ephesians 5:21-24

Posted in Sermons Ephesians 5:21-24
Comments Off on Sermon: Ephesians 5:22-24: Wives, Submit To Your Husbands As To The Lord Posted by Joe

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AT HOME OR IN GOSPEL COMMUNITY GROUPS

Sermon manuscript available at emmausrbc.org

• What is wisdom? Can sin ever be wise? Is it possible to not commit sin and yet be not wise? How is wisdom gained?
• What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit?
• How will a person who is filled with the Spirit show it within the Christain congregation?
• Why is our singing important? 
• What does it mean for Christans to submit to one another? How can it be that wives are called to submit to their husbands in 5:22 while husbands are also called to submit to their wives in 5:21? How can both of these things be true at the same time?

Tags: Gospel Community Groups

Posted in Study Guides Gospel Community Groups
Comments Off on Discussion Questions For Sermon On Ephesians 5:15-21 Posted by Joe