Jul 20
5
Old Testament Reading: Genesis 2:18-25
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.’” (Genesis 2:18–25, ESV)
New Testament Reading: Ephesians 5:22-24
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22–24, ESV)
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[Please excuse any and all typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church, but without the benefit of proofreading.]
Introduction
As we come now into this section of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians wherein he addresses relationships that exist within the home and distinguishes between those who have been given authority and those who are to submit to authority, it is important that we not forget the general command that was issued in 5:21 regarding mutual submission.
There in 5:21 Paul commands all who are in Christ to “[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, ESV). This submission of verse 21 is called “mutual submission” because it is to be offered by everyone and to everyone within the church of Christ without distinction or qualification. So there is a sense in which all Christians— officers and members, men and women, young and old, rich and poor — are to “[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
As Paul says elsewhere, all Christians are to be “of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” They are to do “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than [themsleves].” They are to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of others.” They must “have this mind among [themsleves], which is [theirs] in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:2–8, ESV). This is to be the disposition of every Christian, no mater their station in life. They are to be like their Savior who, although he would possess all authority in heaven and on earth, dressed himself in the garb of a servant and washed his disciples feet. This he did to give them an example of how to wield the authority that they would possess as his Apostles (see John 13:15). When Jesus washed the feet of his Apostles it was to illustrate what he had taught them on another occasion, saying, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25–28, ESV).
I have returned to the principle of mutual submission found in Ephesians 5:21 before moving on to consider Paul’s commands to particular submission in 5:22 so that we might ever keep in mind the spirit of Christian authority. Those with authority in Christ are to serve. Those with authority — elders and deacons, husbands, parents and managers — are to lead, doing “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility [counting] others more significant than [themsleves].” They are to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of others”, for this was the way of Christ.
While it is true that the principle of “mutual submission” cannot be forgotten, neither can we ignore the Paul’s commands regarding “particular submission”. It cannot be denied that in Ephesians 5:22-6:9 Paul does teach that wives, children and bondservants are to offer a particular kind of submission to those who have authority over them. Wives are to “submit to [their] own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). Children are to “obey [their] parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1, ESV). Bondservants are to “obey [their] earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as [they] would Christ…” (Ephesians 6:5, ESV).
The principle of mutual submission is popular in our culture today. The teaching that all are to submit to one another universally, without distinction or qualification is rather unoffensive. But as you know some within our culture will respond with distain to the idea that the some have authority over others in this world, and that honor is to be given to those who have authority.
I do understand that the reasons for the resistance to authority are complex. In some cases, authority is resisted because those with authority have been abusive. Nevertheless, it is important for you to see, Christian, that God has called us all to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, and for some to offer up submission to those whom the Lord has placed over them for the good of the church, the family and for society at large.
As I have just said, the portion of Ephesians that we are about to consider is controversial. And we should not be surprised that some have attempted to explain it away. One of the common approaches to the dismissal of Paul command for wives to submit to their husbands, for example, is to claim that Paul was addressing husband and wives according to the cultural norms of that day, but that times have changed. “We have made progress”, the progressives say, “and we no longer bound to follow these customs.”
But consider three things in response to the progressive view of Ephesians 5:22ff.:
One, Paul’s command for wives to submit to their husbands is not rooted in culture, but in creation and in Christ. Later in verse 31 we will hear Paul support his instructions for husbands by quoting from Genesis 2:24, which says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, ESV). And here in Paul’s instructions for wives he compares the relationship between husbands and wife to Christ’s relationship to the church. As we will see, the marriage bond was designed to function as a picture of Christs relationship to the church. We will discuss that more later. But for now see that Paul instructions for husbands and wives are rooted, not in the cultural trend of his day, but in creation and Christ. In other words, this is how thing are to be because this is the way that God designed them to be.
Two, children are also command in this passage to obey their parents, “for this is right”, the Apostle says. I wonder if the progressive will be consistent in their interpretation and say that Paul’s commmand for a child to obey their parents was also rooted in the cultural norms of the day. And yes, I do understand that some are this radical — they believe that we are to progress beyond the so-called “traditional family model”. But I would assume that most progressives would agree with the Apostle when he says that it “is right” for a child to obey their parents. And why is it right? It is right because this is the way that God designed us. He made us to be raised in families where children learn to obey a mother who offers up submission to a father who loving leads.
Three, all of this teaching concerning submission to authority is summarized in the fifth of the ten commandments, which says, “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Deuteronomy 5:16, ESV). I do love the teaching that our catechism provides on this commandment. It helps us to see that this commandments in not just about little children obeying mom and day (it is about that!), but it is about submission to authority in general. Baptist Catechism 69 asks, What is required in the fifth commandment? A: The fifth commandment requireth the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals.”
[APPLICATION: This idea, friends, that are “superiors, inferiors, [and] equals” as it pertains to authority and submission within the church, family, and society is being viscously assaulted today. And here is an instance where the church of Christ is able to be countercultural. We ought to show the world that is in fact exercise authority, but as a servant and in love, as Christ did. And we ought to show the world that is right and good to (with some rare exceptions) submit to authority wherever it exists, thought it be wielded by imperfect, and in so doing demonstrate our trust in and submission to God who Sovereign over all. Not all progress is good, friends. Progress is only true progress when it leads to greater obedience to God and the glory of his name. Let us be wise and discerning. May we have the courage to resist the current trends if they are contrary to God’s moral law.]
Paul does not address authority in the church here in this passage. Neither does he address political authority. Instead he address the authority and submission within the home. These are the three spheres in which we live our lives — the church, the home and society. These three spheres are interrelated, but they are to be distinguished. The Christian must learn to walk worthily and according to wisdom in all three. As I have said, here in Ephesians 5:22-6:9 the Apostle turns his attention to the home. And he begins with the most important relationship within the home — the relationship between husband and wife. It is not uncommon for married couples to allow their marriage relationship to take second place to the children when they become parents. But this is a terrible mistake. The relationship between husband and wife is the most vital relationship within the Christian family. The children will soon grow to adulthood and leave the home to establish their own. Husbands and wives will be left alone again. Their relationship had better be strong. And the children will be truly blessed to grow up under the guidance and protection of a loving marriage bond, and so Paul address husbands and wives first.
Notice that the Apostle devotes three times as much space to his instructions for husbands. 9 verses are devoted to them in 5:25-33, whereas only 3 verses are devoted to the wives. I suppose we can debate as to why that is. One reason might be that what Paul had to say to husbands would have been far more controversial in his day than what he had to say to wives. But he starts with the wives, saying, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). Paul’s instructions for Christian wives will be our focus for the remainder of the sermon today.
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Exhortation: Wives, Submit To Your Own Husbands, As To The Lord
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord”, Paul says. And he says something similar in Colossians 3:18: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” And the Apostle Peter says it this way: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1–2, ESV). And lastly, in Ephesians 5:33 Paul will conclude his exhortation to wives and husbands by saying, “let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, ESV). The teaching of scripture on this point is uniform and clear. Wives are called by God to submit to their husbands within the home. As I have said, this teaching would have been very much uncontroversial in the first century, but it is very controversial in our day.
Before moving on we should take just a moment to notice what Paul does not say. Notice that Paul does not say to that women are to submit to men, but rather that wives are to submit to their “own husbands”. This is a significant observation. Nowhere do the scriptures teach that women are to submit to men generally and in every sphere. Rather, they teach that men are to serve as officers within Christ’s church (reflecting male headship within the home), and that wives are to submit to their “own husbands”.
Two, Paul does not command wives to obey their husbands as he will with children in relation to parents (6:1), and bondservants in relation to masters (6:5)). Instead Paul commands wives to “submit” to their husbands. And this is certainly more fitting for the relationship that exists between husband and wife, for they are companions. That is what she is called in Malachi 2:14 — a “companion and… wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14, ESV). For this reason she is not called to dutifully obey, but to willing submit to her husband.
So what does mean for a wife to submit to her husband? It means that she recognized the God given authority of her husband, honors it, and is willing to follow his lead.
I am afraid that many misconceptions abound regarding the submission of the wife. Some picture an authoritarian husband and a wife who obeys him dutifully, mindlessly and begrudgingly. This is not what the scriptures call us to in marriage. Some imaging that male headship and female submission must translate to particular duties within the home. Many of these preconceptions are cultural, I’m afraid. While it is true the wife is called to in Titus 2:5 to be diligent in her management of the home, she is not forebidden from also working outside the home, nor is the husband forbidden from doing the dishes and moping the floor. Headship and submission will look different, practically speaking, from household to household. There are so many different personality types, skill sets and circumstances — husbands and wives will need to sort things out to know how to best go about doing life together, practically speaking. But this thing cannot change within the Christian home: the husband must lovingly lead, and the wife must see to it that she submits to her husband, showing respect to him, for this is right and good and fitting.
Questions will undoubtably arise.
What is a wife to do if her husbands comes short of what Ephesians 5:25-33 calls him to, namely, loving, self-sacrificial and Christ-like leadership. What then? I would immagine that must wives would happily submit to their husbands if their husbands would only lead as Christ has called them to. But what is a wife to do if her husband falls short of that? Well, Peter addresses this in general, saying, “wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1–2, ESV). Of course a wife is to do other things as well. She is to pray for her husband. If he is a believer, she may certainly speak to him about obeying Christ in the marriage relationship. They together might even choose to seek help from within the church. But one thing a wife must not do is respond to her husband who is falling short by falling short herself! A Christian wife is to honor her husband even if he is acting dishonorably. She is to show him grace. Her conduct must always remain respectful and pure. And it may be that the Lord will use this to win the husband either to faith in Christ, or to a more worthy walk. Stated differently, Christian wives are to what Paul commanded all Christians to do back in 4:25 and following, where Paul said, “having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:25–32, ESV).
Another question might be, is there a limit to the wives submission? In other words, is there ever a time where she might go against her husbands wishes? And the answer is yes. A wife is to disobey her husband if the husband is leading her to disobey Christ. Elsewhere Paul says, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3, ESV). The authority that a husband possesses is not absolute. Far from it. The husband is under God’s authority, and under Christ’s. If the husband is leading the wife to disobey God and Christ, then she must say to him what Peter said to the high priest who forbid him from preaching Christ: “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29, ESV).
And is there ever a time when a wife is permitted to divorce her husband? In brief, the answer is yes, in the case of infidelity or abandonment. But these things must be handled with great care, lest we fall into great sin and make matters worse by our impatience and our unwillingness to bear up under times of difficulty for the glory of God and for our good. A wife would be foolish to enter into such a decision on her own, apart from the council of her pastors, and others who are godly and wise.
But in general, the command is that “Wives, submit to [their] own husbands, as to the Lord”.
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Motive: As To The Lord
That last phrase in verse 22, “as to the Lord”, is very significant, for it introduces the motive for the wive’s submission. And pay careful attention to this: when a wife submits to her husband, she really is submits to Christ. That is what that little phrase means. Why is the Christian wife to honor, respect and submit to her husband? She is do so because Lord has commanded it — she is to do so out of submission to Christ!
Now, there may be other things motivating her as well. Her sincere love for her husband might also move her to submit. Her desire to have a blessed marriage might motivate her. The wife may also be concerned to see her children blessed as they observe her respectful and pure conduct. But supremly, her submission to her husband should be driven by her love for and submission to Christ!
Notice this, wives: The motivation for your submission is not found in your husband, but in Christ. The world says, I will honor him provided that he is honorable. The world says I will show him love and respect so long as he loves and respects me. And if he dishonors me, then I will dishonor him! And eye for an I, and a tooth for a tooth. But our marriages are not to function as a picture of God’s law, which says, do this and you shall live, but of the gospel and of the grace of God that has been shown to us in Christ Jesus. Wives, submit to your husbands, honor and respect them, not because they are deserving, but out of reverence for Christ.
This truth will certainly help wives who are struggling in a difficult marriage where their husbands do not obey Christ. But this truth should also be an encouragement to wives who’s husbands are in the Lord. Even the best of Christian husbands will fall short of God’s calling to love their wives as Christ has loved the church. And wives, when they fall short, honor them, submit them, show them grace in Christ Jesus. If they are truly regenerate, your respectful and pure conduct will be used by the Lord to soften their hearts and to draw them back to a walk that is worthy.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
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Rationale: For The Husband Is The Head Of The Wife Even As Christ As The Head Of The Church, His Body, And Is Himself Its Savior
We have heard the exhortation. We have considered the motive. And in verse 23 we encounter the rational (or reason) for the wives submission: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23, ESV).
This verse is brief, but it is filled with meaning.
First, the declaration: “the husband is the head of the wife”. In the context the metaphor of “head” must mean the husband is the one who has authority over the wife, the one who is responsible for her (and the family), and the one who must lead. We will turn our attention to husbands in the next section, and when we do husbands will be exhorted to lovingly fulfill their calling as head of their household. But for now simply notice that Pauls states it as a fact: “the husband is the head of the wife”.
And why does Paul state things so dogmatically? Doesn’t he know that sometimes the wives are more gifted leaders than the husbands? Shouldn’t he consider the differences in personality and temperament before assigning the role of “head” to the men only?
He states things dogmatically in this way because it was Paul’s view (and it should also be ours) that God created men and women to function this way. Adam was made first, then Eve was taken from his side. She was made to correspond to him and to help him. And he was lovingly lead her as his head.
That this was in fact Paul’s belief becomes clear in what see says next. After the declaration, “the husband is the head of the wife”, he provides and analogy, saying, “even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” So, as it pertains to headship and authority, the husband is to the wife, what Christ is to the church. This analogy can be pushed too far, of course. The husband is unlike Christ in many ways. Th husband is not the savior of the wife. The husband does not possess the same kind of authority that Christ has, namely, ultimate authority. But despite the obvious differences, the analogy is fitting. In the marriage covenant the husband is to the wife what Christ is to the church in the covenant of grace.
Something profound is being established by here. A picture is beginning to emerge, I hope. We are beginning to see that marriage is not only for the happiness of those who are wed. Not only is it only for the good of the family and society. But there is something about the marriage relationship that corresponds to Christ’s relationship to the church. The marriage covenant is to image Christ’s covenantal relationship with his people. This picture is beginning to appear. Paul will elaborate upon it more in that section where he speaks to husbands, and he will eventually say it in a most direct way: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32, ESV)
I sincerely believe that this is the most important thing for you to grasp about marriage: the marriage covenant is not only for the good of the couple who is wed. It not only good for the family and society. It is designed to put the love of Christ for the church, and the submission of the church to Christ on full display for the world to see. Brothers and sisters, we must be mindful of this in Christ Jesus. Husbands, if you failing to lovingly lead your wife, you are not ony harming your wife and your household, you are missing out on opportunity to put Christ’s love for the church on display. And wives, if you are failing to lovingly submit to your husbands, you are not ony harming your husband and your household, but you are missing out on an opportunity to put the churches reciprocal love for Christ on display. Even worse yet we may be doing damage to reputation of Christ by failing to submit and lead as Christ has called us to in the marriage bond.
Why are wives to submit to their husbands? They are to do so “as to the Lord” because “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”
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Extent: Now As The Church Submits To Christ, So Also Wives Should Submit In Everything To Their Husbands
Lastly, the Apostle delivers one last concluding exhortation while also describing the extent of the wives submission. Verse 24: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:24, ESV).
What should the wive’s submission to her husband look like? What should it entail? She may look to the church’s relationship to Christ as an analogy. Once again, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:24, ESV).
This is instructive. It continues to develop the analogy that was begun in verse 23. There the husband is compared to Christ in regard to headship, and here the wife is compared to the church in regard to submission. What is the maner an extent of the wive’s submission to her husband. Well, just as the church submits to Christ in all things, so too the wife is to submit to her husband in all things.
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Conclusion
Brothers and sisters, this is a high calling. Christian wives are here in this passage called by the Lord to lay down their lives for the good of their husbands. Wives are here called to do “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count [their husbands] more significant than [themsleves].” They are to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of [their husbands].” They are called to “have this mind [in them], which is [theirs] in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:2–8, ESV).
Wives, will you do this? Will you choose to honor your husbands always and in everything? Will you “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Will you determine to “be kind to [your husband], tenderhearted, forgiving [him], as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31–32, ESV). Will you do it for him? Will you do it for the sake of the children? Will you do it for the good of your own soul? And above all, will you do it for the sake of Christ, so that God would get the glory?
As you can probably tell, a very similar sermon is in the works for Christian husbands. Though the roles of husbands and wives do differ — the husband is called to loving lead and the wife to submit to him — they share this in common: the Christian husband must also lay down his life for the good of his wife. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV), will be the leading exhortation.
May the Lord help us in these things. May the love of God for us in Christ Jesus be put on display as we lay down our lives for one another, love one another and forgive one another. May we learn to be gracious and kind, just as God has been gracious and kind to us. And in all things, may God get the glory.
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Concluding Prayer
Pastoral Prayer
