Jul 20
12
Old Testament Reading: Leviticus 19:9–18
“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field right up to its edge, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard. You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the LORD your God. You shall not steal; you shall not deal falsely; you shall not lie to one another. You shall not swear by my name falsely, and so profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired worker shall not remain with you all night until the morning. You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God: I am the LORD. You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor. You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:9–18, ESV)
New Testament Reading: Ephesians 5:25-33
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:25–33, ESV)
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[Please excuse any and all typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church, but without the benefit of proofreading.]
Introduction
In the previous passage the Apostle began to encourage a worthy walk within the Christian home. He started by commanding wives to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord. And while the sermon last week was directed mainly towards wives, there was something for all of us to learn about submission and authority in general, for we are all called to submit to someone, and most have authority over someone. In our submission, we are to submit as to the Lord. And in our authority, we ae lead with the love of Christ.
Here in the passage that is before us today the Apostle turns his attention to Christian husbands and says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV).
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The Command: Husbands, Love Your Wives (v. 25)
You will notice that the Apostle devotes three times as much space to his instructions for husbands when compared to his instructions for wives. But you will also notice that the command that he gives to husbands is really quite simple. The central command is restated three times in this passage. Verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Verse 28: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.” And verse 33: “However let each one of you love his wife as himself.” Clearly the Apostle’s central concern is to communicate that husbands are to love their wives. Everything else that he says in this passages communicates the manner, rationale and motive for the husband to fulfill the command to love his wife.
It should be recognized that Paul does not command the husband to rule or to merely lead his wife, but to love her. It would not have been surprising for Paul to say, husbands lead you wives, given what he said about the relationship between the wife and husband in the previous passage. Consider verses 22-24 again: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Given this teaching, it would not have been unreasonable for Paul to say, husbands lead your wives. But he does not. Instead, three times he tells husbands to love their wives. This is how they are to lead, by loving.
When Paul wrote to the Colossians and addressed the relationship between husbands and wives he was more direct. To them he said, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18–19, ESV). You will notice that Paul says essentially the same thing to the Ephesians, but here the Apostle elaborates. In Ephesians Paul also addresses the manner, the rationale and the motive for the husbands love.
In our day it is what Paul says to wives concerning submission that is considered controversial. But in the first century Greco-Roman context Paul’s command for husbands to love their wives would have been considered controversial. It was not at all uncommon for husbands to maintain a rather cold and utilitarian kind of relationship with their wives. Wives were to bear children. They were to raise the children and manage the home. Often times husbands were content if they could simply trust their wives to fulfill these duties. Tenderness and sense of companionship was often lacking. But Paul commands Christian men to go beyond this. They are not to rule or merely lead, but to love their wives. And this view springs quite naturally from the biblical view of marriage. In marriage a husband and wife enter into a one flesh union. In marriage a husband and wife are companions by virtue of their covenant bond. It will not do, therefore, for a husband to rule his wife or to merely lead her. Instead, the Christian husband is to love his wife. This is how he is to lead her — this is how he is to fulfill his role as head over her — he is to love her.
Now love is terribly misunderstood in our day. Many assume that love is an emotion that is felt. Many equate it with romance and attraction. And while love does sometimes involve these things, it is something else at its core.
To love is to “count others more significant than [yourself].” To love is to “look not only to [your] own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3–4, ESV). To love is to take the posture of a servant. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, ESV). And this is how husbands are to treat their wives. They are to loving lead them.
Stated differently, husbands are to treat their wives in the same way that all Christians have been called to treat one another. Consider again Ephesians 4:25. I’ve adapted the text to make it specific to the marriage bond. Husbands are to “put away falsehood… [and] speak the truth with [their wife], for [they] are members one of another. [If they are] angry [never are they to] sin; [they should] not let the sun go down on [their] anger…” Verse 29: They are to “let no corrupting talk come out of [their] mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to their [wife].” They must not “grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom [they] were sealed for the day of redemption.” They must “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from [them], along with all malice.” The husbands is to be “be kind to [his wife], tenderhearted, forgiving [her], as God in Christ forgave [them]” (Ephesians 4:25–32, ESV). Christian husbands are to relate to their wives in a Christianly way. They are not held to a lower standard when it comes to their relationship with their wife, but a higher one! Not only are they united to their wives in Christ (assuming they are also believers), they are also bound together in one flesh union, as we will see. The standard is not lower, by higher, therefore. If all Christians are called to relate to one another as described in Ephesians 4:25ff., how much more are they to relate to their wives in this wife!
So Christian husbands are not called to rule over their wives or to merely lead them. They are called to something higher! They are to lead in love, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church…” (Ephesians 5:23, ESV).
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The Manner: Love Her, As Christ Loved The Church (vs. 25-27)
In the second half of verse 25 the Apostle begins to describe the manner in which the husband is to love his wife. What should his love look like? That is the question. And Paul answers saying, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
The Christian husband is to lead his wife, for he is the head of his wife. He has authority over her. He is responsible for her, therefore. And how is he to lead? He is to lead by loving her. And what is this love to look like? What is it to involve? Once more, the Christian husband is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church.” If the Christian husband wishes to know how to love his wife he must look to Christ and carefully consider Christ’s love for the church. There is his model! Just as Christ is the head of the Church, so too the husband is head of his wife. And the husband is to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church.”
So how did Christ love the church? Well, many things could be said about that. But Paul’s little phrase, “and gave himself up for her” sums it up nicely. Christ loved the church — that is to say, all who will believe upon him to the salvation of their souls — by giving himself up for her. And this is how the Christian husband is to relate to his wife. He is to mimic Christ by giving himself up for his bride.
Christ lived for the good of his bride — that is to say, the church. He suffered for her. He died for her. He saw to it that her every spiritual need was provided for. In short, he gave himself up for her. And the Apostle elaborates on what Christ has done for his bride saying that he gave himself up for her “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:26–27, ESV).
There are two metaphors being utilized here in verses 26 and 27.
First of all, Paul uses the language of sacrifice and purification to describe what Christ has done for the church. He gave himself up for her as a sacrifice. That is the meaning.
By the way, the doctrine of limited atonement is taught here. Question: For whom did Christ die? Answer: he died as a sacrifice for his bride, that is to say, the church. He died for the elect of God in every age. And this corresponds to John 10:15 where Jesus is heard saying, “I lay down my life for the sheep” (John 10:15, ESV). But I digress.
The question that is before us today is, how did Christ love the church? And the answer is that he gave himself up for her as a sacrifice so that he might sanctify her — that is to say, set her apart and make her holy — “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word”. Again, this is the language of sacrifice and purification. Christ shed his blood so that his people might be cleansed. And they receive this cleansing through the hearing of the word of God, the gospel of truth, as they believe upon his name, all of this being symbolized in the waters of baptism. And this is what the Apostle has in mind when he says, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…” Christ has purified his people by giving himself up for them.
Secondly, Paul uses the language of a wedding when he says, “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish…” The church is the bride of Christ. The church — that is to say, all who believe upon Christ in every time and place — has been purified and cleansed by Christ in preparation for her wedding day. That is what Paul is here refering to. And when will this wedding be? Answer: When Christ returns!
Do not forget what that angel said to John near to the end of the book of Revelation: “Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9, ESV).
And remember how Paul spoke to the corinthians saying, “For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2, ESV). Clearly, this was Paul’s view. The church is the betrothed bride of Christ. She is betrothed to him and will be wed to him, spiritually speaking, at the consumption of all things. Then we feast at the the wedding supper of the Lamb.
Now clearly, the husband is not Christ. He is not the Savior of his wife. He did not, nor can he, die for her to atone for her sins. He cannot sanctify her in the way that Christ can. But the husband is to memic Christ in these things. The husband is to love his as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her.
Christ’s love for the church is unconditional, friends. He loved us and gave his life for us, not because we were deserving, but by his grace alone. He loved us, not because he found us to be lovely, but to make us lovely. We were his enemies, remember, were dead in our sins and by nature children wrath, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:4–7, ESV). Christ’s love for the church is unconditional. And so is the husbands love for his wife to be. And yet so often our love is conditioned upon the performance of others. Though we might never say it with our lips, we say it in our hearts: I’ll love you provided that you are lovely. But this is what the law says, and not the gospel. In the law God says, do this and you shall live. And none, except one, can keep it. And so none, except one, will find life in the law. But the gospel says, live, for this is what Christ has done for you unconditionally! Husbands, will you love your wives unconditionally as Christ has loved the church.
Christ’s love for the church is sacrificial. He gave himself up for her. And I will not repeat what I have already said, but will simply remind you to think beyond the heroic, and to bring this principle into the day to day realities of marriage. When you rise from bed in the morning do not first think, what do I want out of today? But what does God want from me, and what would please my wife and meet her needs? Brothers, if this sounds like miserable to you, then you have not yet learned the way of Christ the Servant.
Christ’s love for the church is a sanctifying love. Again, the husband is not Christ. Neither is the husband the Holy Spirit. Never should he try to be. Sanctification is God’s work to do, not ours. But the husband is to be used by the Lord to sanctify his wife, just as the wife will surely be used by the Lord to sanctify her husband. Husband, encourage your wife in the faith. Pray for her. Minister the word of God to her. Never be harsh with her, which is what Paul specifically warns against in Colossians, saying, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18–19, ESV). And it is what Peter had in mind when he said, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV). Never should the husband be harsh. And neither should he nag or nitpick. In fact, a husband would be wise to affirm his wife often, to build her up with his words, and to be very careful when offering words of criticisms. “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4, ESV)
The command: Husbands, love your wives.
And in what manner, you ask? “…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
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The Rationale: Love Her, For You Are One Flesh With Her (vs. 28-31)
Now we turn our attention to verses 28-31 where the Apostle reasons with husbands to love their wives on the basis of their one flesh union with them. The argument is this: brother, love your wife, for you are one flesh with her! Given that you are one with her in the marriage bond, loving your wife means that you love yourself.
Listen again to verses 28-31: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:28–31, ESV)
Notice that Paul roots his reasoning in scripture by quoting Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” When a husband and wife enter into the covenant of marriage, they become one flesh. Their lives are joined together as one. This is true of every legitimate marriage whether or not the couple knows it.
And notice the mention of the church union with Christ with the words, “just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” So again, there is a connection that is to be made between the one flesh union that exists between husbands and wives, and the Spirit wrought union that exists between Christ and all who believe upon his name. If we have faith in Christ then we are joined to him by the Spirit. He is the head, and we are the body.
And finally, notice the rationale. If it is true that a husband is so joined to his wife in the covenant of marriage, then it follows that he would be wise to love her, nourish her and cherish her, and fool not to. Again, “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…”There are exceptions to the rule, of course. Some do engage in self harm. But that also makes the point. Those who engage in self harm are broken and in need healing and restoration, while those who are well nourish and cherish their own flesh to the glory of God.
Husbands ought to love their wives, for they are one flesh with them.
I have often exhorted Christian men to love their wives, to serve them and cherish them by presenting the rationale of the Apostle, saying, trust me, brother, you’ll be glad that you did! Do you want it good, brother? Then love your wife. Live, not for yourself, but for her. Lay aside your desires, and seek to fulfill hers. And just watch how that will come back to bless you.
Now, I understand that this reasoning can be twisted and misapplied by those who are self serving in the heart. I do not think that loving our wives so that we might blessed should be our primary motivation, friends. Our love for God and our sincere love for our wife should be the primary motives. Nevertheless, this is a motivation. In fact, the scriptures do often call us to obedience to God — obedience of all kinds — by reminding us of how blessed it is to obey him.
Take for example Psalm 1:1:“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:1–3, ESV). This passage is famous for encouraging obedience to God by appealing to the blessing (or true happiness) that it brings.
And in Matthew 10:39 we hear Christ himself say, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39, ESV). This is counterintuitive to the worldly man. The world assumes that to find life — abundant and fulfilling life — one ought to live life for themselves. But here Christ teaches that true life is found when we die to self and live for Christ instead.
The exhortation that Paul delivers to Christian husbands might also seem counterintuitive at first. Do you want to be blessed in your marriage, brother? Then lay down your life for your bride. Live, not for yourself, but for her. Make her happiness your leading concern. Make meeting her needs your aim. And watch and see how blessed you will be! This is the reasoning of the Apostle. All Christians will blessed as they live, not to please themselves, but to please God and others. And this is especially true for Christian husbands given the reality of the one flesh union that exists in the marriage bond.
[APPLICATION: Brothers, you will need to reflect on this point and ask, am I loving my wife and living for her good, or am I self-centered? Your impulse might be to say, well of course I love her! But I am asking you to reflect carefully and deeply on this point.
Are you daily and momentarily laying down your life for your wife? And please fight the impulse to think in terms of the heroic. How many men would happily say, “I would die for you, dear”, who at the same time grumble at the thought of helping with the dishes, or are negligent when it comes to spending quality time with their wives to be sure that her spiritual needs are met. Men, when the scriptures call us to lay down our lives for our wives it is not primarily about the heroic, but is in the common and daily affairs of life that this self-sacrificial living is to be manifest.
Live with your wives in an understanding way, brothers.
Do not be harsh with them.
Build them up with your words, and never tear them down.
Be tenderhearted, compassionate and forgiving.
Remember that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, ESV).
The command: Husbands, love your wives.
The manner: “…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
The rationale: Given the one flesh union that exists in the marriage bond, “he who loves his wife loves himself.”
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The Motive: Love Her, To Display Christ’s Love For The Church (vs. 32)
And lastly we will consider the primary motive: Husbands are to love their wives, for when they do they put on display Christ’s love for the church. Stated differently, when husbands love their wives as they ought, the marvelous love and grace that God has shown to us in Christ Jesus is put on display, which the design for marriage from the beginning.
Consider verse 32: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32, ESV).
Let us consider this verse carefully, for these are deep waters.
The first question we must answer is, what does the “this” refer to at the beginning of verse 32? “This mystery is profound”, the Apostle says. What mystery?
Well, the “this” must refer back to the one flesh union that exists between husband and wife that was mentioned in the previous verse in the quote from Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” The Apostle calls this one flesh union a “mystery.”
Paul may have in mind that this union is a mystery because it is wrought by the Spirit of God. We cannot see this union, nor are fully able to comprehend how two individuals become one in the covenant of marriage.
But please understand that when Paul uses the word “mystery” he often has in mind those truths concerning the Christ that were dimly revealed prior to the arrival of the Christ, tha have been revealed clearly now that the Christ has come. And I believe this is how Paul is using the word “mystery” here. He wants for us to see that from the beginning marriage was designed by God to function as a picture of the union that would exist between Christ and his redeemed bride, the church. This union between Christ and his church was revealed dimly in ages past in the covenant of marriage, but now that the Christ has come, and now that the New Covenant has been instituted in his blood, that which was once a mystery has been made clear. And that is why Paul says, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Paul calls the one flesh union enjoyed by husband and wife a “profound”, or very great, “mystery”. And he says that it “refers to”, pertains to, or has reference to, “Christ and the church.” This means that the one flesh union experienced by husband and wife is, above and before all else, a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church.
[APPLICATION: Truly, this mystery is profound. And I would encourage you all to think about it. Marriage was designed by God to portray his love for his people in Christ Jesus. That is marvelous to consider! And it is also a sobering thought, for it means that marriage is only or primary about the happiness of the two who are wed, nor is it only for the good of the family or society. Instead, it is for the glory of God. Marriage is designed to magnify the marvelous grace and superabundant love of God for us in Christ Jesus. And if this is God’s design for marriage, then we had better be sure to fulfill God’s purpose.
Husbands, I do hope that you feel the weightiness of the call of God that is upon you to love your wife as Christ loved the church. It is an awesome responsibility. And it is a great privilege with many blessings attached. May we be eager to fulfill this call being motivated above all else to give glory to God by putting on display Christ’s unconditional and never ceasing love for his bride, the church.
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Conclusion
Finally, Paul concludes his exhortation to husbands and wives with these simple words: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, ESV). May the Lord give us grace to daily die to self, and to live instead for the glory of God and the good of others.
