Dec 18
16
Old Testament Reading: Genesis 2:24–25
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:24–25, ESV)
New Testament Reading: Mark 10:2-12
“And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They said, ‘Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.’” (Mark 10:2–12, ESV)
*****
Introduction
In the introduction to the previous sermon I mentioned that there was a time when I held to permanence view of marriage, which is the view that the one flesh union established by God in the marriage covenant lasts for life, death being the only thing that can dissolve it. Back in 2010 I preached a sermon stating that though divorce is permitted under some circumstances, remarriage is not (at least not until the death of the spouse). No longer do I hold to that view. I had doubts about it shortly after preaching that sermon in 2010, those doubts grew progressively stronger, I abandoned the permanence view a few years ago, and am now publicly disavowing it as I present a view that I believe to me true to teaching of scripture.
If you were to compare what I stated last week and what I am about to say today with the statements that I made all those years ago you would probably be struck by the similarities between the two positions. Truly, the view that I held to then and the view that I hold to now do share many things in common, but the point of difference is very significant.
Is divorce ever permitted? Both then and now I say, though God’s revealed will is that marriage is to last for life, divorce is permitted in the case of the sin of adultery or when a believing spouse is abandoned by a non-believing spouse.
Does a Christian sin if he or she files for divorce? Both then and now I say, the Christian does not sin if they divorce with biblical grounds. When the scriptures say that “God hates divorce” it is in reference to divorce that is unjust and without biblical grounds. God hates divorce because divorce is always the result of some sin. But not everyone who divorces sins, for sometimes divorce is justified according to the scriptures.
And does a Christian sin if he or she remarries after divorce? Here is where my view has changed. Back in 2010 I said yes, for the one flesh union remains for life. A certificate of divorce may protect the innocent husband or wife, but it does not dissolve the one flesh union. Only death can do that. But now, when asked does a Christian sin if he or she remarries after divorce? I say, it depends. It depends on whether or not the divorce was valid according to the scriptures. To divorce without biblical grounds and to remarry is to commit adultery. But when a person divorces with biblical grounds, he or she is free to remarry, for the valid divorce does in fact bring the marriage to covenant to an end.
When is a Christian permitted to divorce according to the scriptures? Last week we learned that the Christian is permitted, but not required, to divorce if their spouse has committed adultery. Also, the Christian is permitted to divorce if they have been abandoned by a non-believing spouse. These are the two grounds for divorce stated in the New Testament for the New Covenant people of God. And what I am saying now is that if the divorce was with biblical grounds, remarriage is permitted given that a valid divorce does indeed put an end to the marriage bond.
Let us consider these things more carefully in two points: One, ordinarily, to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery. And two, remariage is permitted if the divorce was valid and with biblical grounds.
*****
I. Ordinarily, To Divorce And Remarry Is To Commit Adultery
First of all it must be understood that ordinarily, to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery. This is the clear teaching of the New Testament. Ordinarily, and as a general rule, to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery.
There are few New Testament texts that we need to consider which clearly communicate this general rule. And ask we consider these texts perhaps you will understand why the permanence view of marriage seemed compelling to me all those years ago.
First, let consider two passages which state, without exception, that to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery.
The first is Mark 10:10-12. Remember the context. Jesus was being pressed by some Pharisees concerning his view on divorce and remarriage. In Mark 10:2 we read, “And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’” Jesus’ answer was clear. Moses permitted divorce due to the hardness of their hearts,“but from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” Jesus stated the ideal that the marriage covenant last for life. And then we read these words in verse 10, “And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.’”
Jesus taught that for a man or woman to divorce his or her husband or wife and to marry another is to commit adultery. No exception is found in this text.
Something similar is communicated in Luke 16:18. There we hear the words of Christ, “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”
The same principle that was communicated in Mark 10 is also communicated here – the one who divorces and remarries commits adultery. But notice that something different is communicated in the second half of Luke 16:18 – “he who marries a woman divorced from her husband [also] commits adultery”. Notice that no exception is stated in this text.
And so after reading Mark 10 and Luke 16 we are left with this understanding of the subject of divorce and remarriage – to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery, and to marry one who has been divorced is to commit adultery. In other words everyone agrees that when a husband or wife steps out on their spouse and joins themself to another sexually, it is adulterous. But Jesus’ view is that to divorce and to join yourself to another, even if it be in the bonds of a another marriage covenant, is also to commit adultery.
Can you see why I have said that “ordinarily, to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery”? And can you see why some hold to the permanence view of marriage which I myself held to for a time? These two passages clearly teach that marriage is to last for life, and to that ordinarily, to divorce and to remarry is to commit adultery.
The question that we must ask is, are there any exceptions to this general rule? Are there any circumstances where a husband or wife would be permitted to divorce and also free to remarry?
There are two other New Testament texts that we must consider. And it must be recognized that these two texts do cite exceptions to the general rule established in Mark 10 and Luke 16, that ordinarily to be divorced and to remarry is to commit adultery.
The first is Matthew 5:31-32. There we hear Christ saying, “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31–32, ESV)
First of all, notice that Matthew 5 perfectly agrees with what is found in Mark 10 and Luke 16. Mathew 5 clearly states that to marry a divorces woman is to commit adultery (by the way, it reasonable to understand each of the texts as applying both to men and women husbands and wives – the scriptures apply the same standards to each). So again, Mathew 5 clearly states that to marry a divorced person is to commit adultery. It also says that when a husband divorces his wife he “makes her commit adultery”. What does that mean? It means that when a husband divorces his wife he puts her in a very difficult position. She will likely remarry (at least this would be the norm in Jesus’ day), and when she remarries she would commit adultery.
But there is an exception to this rule. “Except on the grounds of sexual immorality”, the texts says. Listen again to 5:32: “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery…” Why the exception? Well, in this case it is obvious. If the wife was sexually immoral then she has already committed adultery. It cannot be said, therefore, that the husband makes her to commit adultery when he divorces her, for she has already done it. The husband does not do wrong when he divorces his wife because of her sexual immorality, and neither does a wife do wrong if she divorces her husband because he is an adulterer. This is how we are to understand the exception clause of Matthew 5.
There is one last text that we must consider: Matthew 19:8-9. This text also contains an exception clause. And this exception clause makes it clear that the one who divorces his or her spouse on the grounds of sexual immorality (adultery) is also free to remarry. Listen again to the words of Christ as he interacted with the Pharisees concerting the topic of divorce and remarriage. “He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives [that is, under the Old Covenant and according to Deuteronomy 24], but from the beginning it was not so [according to Genesis 2:24-25]. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’”
This passage also agrees with all the others. Ordinarily, to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery. Stated differently, to divorce without grounds – that is, to divorce for no good reason according to the scriptures – and to marry again is to commit adultery. But what is the exception? “Except for sexual immorality”. If a spouse commits sexual immorality her or she commits adultery. The Greek word translated “sexual immorality” is πορνεία. It is used interchangeably with the Greek word translated as “adultery”, which is μοιχεία, throughout the LXX (the Greek translation of the Hebrew Old Testament). What I am saying is that πορνεία and μοιχεία are nearly synonymous. For a married person to commit the sin of sexual immorality means that they have been adulterous. Adultery is grounds for divorce. And if one has divorced because of sexual immorality, he or she is also free to remarry.
What is the general rule communicated in each of these passages?
Ordinarily, to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery.
But are there exceptions to this general rule?
Yes, the exception is when the divorce is the result of the sin of sexual immorality. In that case the innocent spouse does not sin when he or she divorces and remarries.
Friends, it was as true in Jesus’ day as it is our own – many divorces are for no good reason. Men in Jesus’ day, and men and women in our day, often divorce for no good reason and then marry another. This is what Jesus called adulterous. This was the kind of divorce that Malachi the prophet said that God hates. To divorce for no good reason and to remarry is to commit adultery. This is the clear and undeniable teaching of holy scripture.
But more needs to be said.
*****
II. Remariage Is Permitted If The Divorce Was Valid And With Biblical Grounds
Secondly, it must be admitted that remarriage is permitted if the divorce was valid and with biblical grounds.
If the divorce was the result of marital infidelity then remarriage is permitted.
This is clearly communicated by the exception clause of Matthew 19:9 which again says, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Why isn’t that exception included in Mark 10 and Luke 16? Because the focus of those passages is slightly different. There in those passages remarriage after illegitimate divorce is the thing being condemned. There a general rule is established. But sometimes there are exceptions to general rules. And the exceptions only need to be stated once for the exceptions to be valid.
As a general rule it is wrong to take a human life. Generally, this is called murder. But there are exceptions to this rule. Think of self defense, righteous war, and capital punishment. These are exceptions to the rule, and those who take a life in these circumstances are not guilty of the sin of murder. Do the exceptions have to be stated every time the scriptures forbid murder? No! But the exceptions stand even if they stated only once.
And here is where the permanence view of marriage begins to break down in my mind. It does not adequately account for the exception clause Matthew 19. Yes, I am aware of the argument that Matthew 19 has divorce during the betrothal period in view, and not divorce during marriage. But that interpretation seems very strained to me now. In the context the Pharisees are clearly asking about divorce in the context of marriage, and not betrothal. I am also aware that some claim there is a significant difference between the terms πορνεία and μοιχεία. This argument also begins to crumble under closer scrutiny. And there are still others that try to do away with the exception clause by arguing against it from textual criticism. But none of these arguments seem compelling to me now.
It is better that we allow the exception clause of Matthew 19 to stand.
The New Covenant exception of divorce and remarriage being permitted in the case of adultery makes perfect sense given the transition from the Old Covenant to the New. Under the Old Covenant divorce was permitted for more reasons than adultery given the hardness of Israel’s heart, whereas the sin of adultery was to punished bye death. Under the New Covenant the penalty for adultery is relaxed given the new distinction between church and state – the church does not wield the sword under the New Covenant, remember. But the grounds for divorce are greatly restricted. The New Covenant people of God should not have hard hearts, for under the New Covenant all of God’s people have his “law within them” for he writes “it on their hearts” and they “shall all know [him], from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD” (Jeremiah 31:33-34, ESV). What I am saying that divorce and remarriage being permitted in the case of adultery makes perfect sense given the transition of the Old Covenant to the New.
The scriptures are clear, remariage is permitted if the divorce was valid and with biblical grounds, and the sin of adultery is valid grounds for divorce.
Paul is also clear that the Christian who has been abandoned by a non-Christian is free to let them go (permit the divorce) and to remarry.
Listen to Paul’s word s in 1 Corinthians 7:12. “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:12–16, ESV)
Here is the principle that seems to underly the biblical teaching on the subject of divorce and remarriage. The one flesh union is not what makes a marriage a marriage, but the marriage covenant is the thing that makes a marriage a marriage, and the marriage covenant is breakable.
Notice that not all one flesh unions are permanent.
“Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh’” (1 Corinthians 6:16, ESV). But a man does not enter into marriage with a prostitute when he becomes one flesh with her, for there is no covenant. And this is what make sexual intimacy outside of marriage such a sinful and destructive thing. The one flesh union is to be enjoyed within the bounds of the marriage covenant. The covenant is what makes the union lasting. Without the covenant the union is only temporary.
Notice that the marriage covenant is a breakable covenant. What do a husband and wife do when the take their vows. Do they not promise to be faithful to one another in good times and in bad, till death do them part? This promise should not be broken, but sometimes it is. And this corresponds to what Jesus said concerning marriage. “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:5–6, ESV). Notice Christ did not say that they could not be separated, but that they should not be. Husband and wife should enjoy their one flesh union for life. This is made possible through the marriage covenant, and that covenant should not be broken.
One last point needs to made in support of the possibility of remarriage after a divorce that is valid. God himself is divorced and remarried. Here I have in mind those Old Testament passages that speak of God divorcing Israel for her unfaithfulness and the fact that God has entered into a New Covenant.
Take for example Jeremiah 3:6-8. The the prophet writes, “The LORD said to me in the days of King Josiah: ‘Have you seen what she did, that faithless one, Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every green tree, and there played the whore? And I thought, ‘After she has done all this she will return to me,’ but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore” (Jeremiah 3:6–8, ESV).
Throughout the Old Testament the sin of idolatry is compared to the sin of adultery. When God’s people are idolatrous – when they run after other god’s instead of being faithful to their God, the one true God – it is like when a wife is unfaithful to her husband. Israel was spiritually adulterous. And what did God do? After being patient with her for a very long time he did finally divorce her and enter into a New Covenant.
If divorce and remarriage were always sinful for us then it would be a very inappropriate to speak of God as one who had divorced his people and married another. And yet this is what he has done. He has divorced Old Covenant Israel and has entered into a New Covenant with people from every tongue, tribe and nation.
Clearly, there is such a thing as a valid divorce. And when divorce is valid, then remarriage is permitted.
*****
Conclusion
As I have said before it is one thing to understand the teaching of scripture on this subject, but it is another thing altogether to apply this teaching to the often difficult, complicated and messy situations that people get themselves into. The application of these truths is the more difficult thing, in my opinion.
Some situations are rather black and white.
For example, if a husband or wife has committed adultery and is unrepentant then it quite clear that there will be a divorce and that the innocent party is free to remarry. I believe that the innocent party should proceed with great caution, but I am saying that the innocent party does not sin when he or she divorces, and that they are free to remarry in a black and white situation such as this (Matthew 19).
The same can be said of a situation where a Christian is abandoned by a non-believing spouse. “If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15, ESV). This is black and white.
But many situations are more complicated than these.
What if, for example, a husband or wife has committed adultery but appears to be truly repentant? I will say again what I said last Sunday – the innocency spouse is permitted to divorce, but they may also choose to remain in the marriage. True forgiveness will need to be extended. The couple will need to work diligently to restore the marriage and to rebuild trust. At some point the innocent party will need to lay aside his or her right to divorce. Certainly the church will need to be involved. Pastoral care will be needed.
And what if, for example, two Christians separate from one another but with without biblical grounds? Should the Christians be separated? Well, no they should not, for they do not have grounds. Listen to Paul’s words: “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10–11, ESV). If you are Christian and you have separated from or even divorced your spouse without biblical grounds, and if neither of you have remarried, you are not free to remarry, but should have reconciliation as your only goal.
And what if a Christian husband or wife has been abandoned, not by an unbeliever, as in the situation addressed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:15, but by a spouse who claims to be a Christian. Here is a situation that illustrates why it is so important to be a part of a church that exercises biblical church discipline. If a person claims to be a Christian and has separated from his or her spouse without biblical grounds, then church discipline must be done according to Matthew chapter 18. And if the one who claims to be a Christians and has abandoned his or her spouse without grounds will not repent when called by the church to repent then that one should eventually be put out of the church and be viewed as a non-believer, for with their mouth they claim to be one of God’s people, but by their fruit the prove not to be. Then, after the process of church discipline is carefully, patiently and lovingly carried out, the one who has been abandoned would be free to go through with the divorce and to remarry, for in fact he or she has been abandoned, not by a believer, but by an unbeliever. This is what Paul directly addresses in 1 Corinthians 7.
And what about abuse within the marriage relationship. Is abuse grounds for divorce? I hesitate to even bring this up because I know that some will be tempted to misuse what I am about to say. Let me be clear – I am talking about real abuse here. I am not referring to an unhappy marriage. I am not referring to a marriage that is marked by conflict. I am here referring to a truly abusive relationship, either emotionally or physically. Determining what constitutes emotional abuse can be difficult. Here is why these situations should be dealt with with the help of others. If there is emotional abuse the church can help. If there is physical abuse the church should be involved, but also the civil authorities. A Christian is not obligated to remain in a truly abusive situation but is right to remove themselves from it, especially to protect the children if they are present. It is our opinion that abuse may fall under the category of abandonment as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7. In other words, we believe that it is possible for a person to thoroughly abandon the marriage covenant while at the same time refusing to leave the home. I have seen it. Why would someone do such a thing? I’ll tell you. Some care about the opinions of those within the church and community. They abuse behind closed doors, but they don’t leave. If they left people would think poorly of them, and so they remain and hide their sin. Others enjoy the benefits that come along with the marriage relationship. They enjoy the intimacy, the meals, the nicely kept home, and so they abuse and yet refuse to leave the home. Other reason could be given. These situations are very complex, friends, and we should proceed with caution, but a Christian is not obligated to remain in a situation where he or she is truly being abused.
And what about a Christian with and invalid divorce in his or her past. Perhaps the divorce happened while a young Christian, or perhaps it happened while an unbeliever. I would ask, have you been remarried? Has your former husband or wife been remarried? If the answer is no, then it may be that pursuing reconciliation would be appropriate. But even this is questionable. Were you both unbelievers when you divorced? Are you a Christian now and he or she an unbeliever? If so, then I probably would not recommend that you remarry, for then you would be a Christian marrying a non-Christian, which the scriptures forbid. Have they remarried, our have you? If so, then there is nothing to be done except to confess you sin and to seek for forgiveness for wrongs committed. Once new unions have been forged, they should not be undone. Also, the scriptures forbid taking a spouse back once they have married another, which is the point of Deuteronomy 24.
And what about a Christian with an adulterous past? It should be remembered that though the sin of adultery has it’s consequences, adultery is not an unforgivable sin. Some will reason to themselves, if adultery is forgivable, then I’d might as well commit it. But such is the thinking of a wicked and godless person. If you have committed adultery, turn from your sin and believe upon Christ. Pursue him with all that you are from this day forward. There may be consequences to your sin that never go away, but adultery is not an unforgivable sin.
Brothers and sisters, as our culture continue to deteriorate around us, the church must pursue holiness. My belief is that the gap between conservative churches and liberal “churches” is only going to grow wider in the decades to come. By conservative I mean those churches that believe that the scriptures are the words of God and are to govern our beliefs and our practices. And by liberal I mean those traditions (I do not believe that they are Christian, but are another religion all tother) who’s doctrine and practice are governed, not by the word of God, but by other things: rationalism, pragmatism, societal evolution and the like. The gap between these traditions is only going to grow wider as our culture deteriorates more and more. Those who are conservative will remain where they are, and those who are liberal will follow the world wherever it goes. And I believe that our view of marriage will be a central issue in the decades to come. And here is why I have devoted nine sermons to the topic of marriage, divorce and remarriage.
Brothers and sisters, may our marriages be distinctly Christian. May we define marriage as scripture defines it. May we understand the purpose of marriage – that is the glory of God and of Christ. May we live holy within our marriage relationship, fulfilling the roles that God has called us to take as husband and wife. And if the issue of divorce and remarriage should arise within our midst, may our divorces and our remarriages also be governed by God’s most holy word.
May the Lord help us in these things and receive all the glory, honor and praise. Amen.
