Old Testament Reading: Exodus 20:12–17

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” (Exodus 20:12–17, ESV)

New Testament Reading: Ephesians 5:18–6:9

“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”’This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.” (Ephesians 5:18–6:9, ESV)

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Please excuse any typos and misspellings within this manuscript. It has been published online for the benefit of the saints of Emmaus Reformed Baptist Church but without the benefit of proofreading.

Introduction

In this sermon, we will be considering the fifth of the Ten Commandments, which is “Honor your father and your mother.”

In the Ten Commandments we find God’s moral law, remember? When we speak of the moral law we are not talking about the laws of nations or of states which identify civil crimes crimes and their punishments. No, the moral law is related, but it is something different. The moral governs all men in all times and places. It is universal and timeless, in other words. The moral law tells what is right and wrong, good and evil, in a general way. All have access to this law, for it is the law of nature. It was written on man’s heart at creation. And the natural order of things does also reveal this law. It was this natural law that was written on Adam’s heart at creation and then revealed with great clarity and specificity in the Ten Commandments which God gave to Israel at Sinai. The moral law is not the invention of men, but is from God. As I have said, The Ten Commandments are the summary of God’s moral law.

I will remind you also of this: These Ten Commandments are divided into two parts. The moral instructions in the first part have to do with man’s relationship to God, whereas the moral instructions in the second part have to do with man’s relationship to his fellow man. These two parts of the moral law are summarized by the two great commandments, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (Deuteronomy 6:5, ESV), and “ you shall love your neighbor as yourself…” (Leviticus 19:18, ESV). 

As we begin now to explore the second part of the Ten Commandments with the command to “honor your father and mother”, I cannot help but stress how important it is to not forget the first part of the Ten Commandments, which has to do with the worship of God. 

I wonder how many people think of themselves as being good, moral, and upright because they keep commandments five through ten (at least in a superficial way) while neglecting commandments one through four? Stated differently, I wonder how many think of themselves as good, virtuous, and upright because they honor their parents, and don’t murder, cheat, steal, lie, or covet? I will grant them this. If indeed they honor their parents, and do not murder, cheat, steal, lie, or covet, then there is a sense in which they can be called “good people”. I’d much prefer to live next to a person like this then next to someone who is immoral through and through. But it would be a grave mistake to assume that you are good before God – good in an ultimate sense – because of your superficial keeping of the second table of the law. There are many reasons for this. I’ll mention three. 

One, the law of God is not to be kept superficially, but from the heart. Christ himself made this clear when he taught that lust is adultery in the heart, and that hatred is murder in the heart. Lust is not the same as adultery. The latter is worse than the former. And obviously, murder is a much more heinous sin than hatred. But lust and hatred in the heart are violations of God’s law too. If when you look at the second table of God’s law you think, well I have kept that!, you are mistaken. Even if we have not violated these commands in deed, we have violated them in thought or in word, and thus we stand guilty before God, if not in Christ.

Two, the law of God must be kept perfectly and perpetually if we are to be right before God. Just one violation of God’s law makes us guilty. I’m willing to admit that some people may be called “good people”, generally speaking. Yes, by God’s common grace, there are some people who are, in general, very respectful to their parents, for example. My children are like this. If you were to ask me, are your children respectful?, I would say, yes, very. They are good kids, thanks be to God. But by that, I do not mean to suggest that they are, in themselves, innocent before God as it pertains to the fifth commandment. Are you following me? The law of God must be kept perfectly and perpetually if we are to be right before God through law-keeping. And we know that no man, with the exception of one, has kept God’s law perfectly and perpetually. 

Three, it would be a grave mistake to assume that you are good before God because of your keeping of the second table of the law… Here I am stressing that the second table of the law is the second table of the law. For there to be a second, there must be a first. In other words, to be morally upright one must not only do what is right as it pertains to their relationship to man, but also as it pertains to their relationship to God.  

Why say this? Well, I’m afraid that there are many, many people in this world who think of themselves as morally upright because they honor their parents, and do not murder, cheat, steal, lie, or covet. Even if we were to set aside the points that have already been made regarding the problem of the superficial and inconsistent keeping of God’s law, we cannot forget about the priority that God gives to the worship of his name. If you are seeking to be right before God through your obedience to his moral law – if you think you can be good before God because of your moral living – do not forget that before God said, “you shall honor your father and mother”, he said, you shall have no other God’s before me, make no idols, do not take my name in vain, and honor the Sabbath Day to keep it holy. In other words, I wonder how many people think of themselves as good before God because they are nice to others… while failing to give glory, honor, and praise to the God who made them and sustains them. 

Friends, to live in God’s world and to fail to worship and serve him at God is a terrible sin and is great folly. Your sin before God is very great if you fail to worship God in the way he has prescribed. This is true, even if you are a very nice person. The scriptures are clear. That which does not proceed from faith is not pleasing to God (Hebrews 11:4-6), and that includes your good deeds. That which is not done to the glory of God is sin, for it must be that the deed was done to the glory of some created thing, and God will not share the glory that is due to him with another (Isaiah 42:8).

I have one last introductory point to make before getting on to the fifth commandment. While it is true that there are many who live in this world who think of themselves as morally upright because they approach the second table of God’s moral law in a superficial way while neglecting the first table of the law, it is also true that there are many who think of themselves as religious who approach the first table of the law in a superficial way while neglecting the second table of the law of God. In other words, while some emphasize the importance of loving their neighbor, they neglect the love of God. Whereas others emphasize the importance of loving God, they fail to love their neighbor. This second error is not uncommon amongst those who are religious. 

Many of the Pharisees who lived in Jesus’ day were like this. They worshipped God… superficially (they went through the motions but did not love God from the heart). And they neglected the second table of the law. Listen to how Jesus spoke to them as recorded in Matthew 23:23: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel! Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (Matthew 23:23–28, ESV)

Brothers and sisters, as we continue now in our consideration of the Ten Commandments, I pray that God would give us the ability to know his law, to understand its uses, and that he would make us willing and able to obey his law, not in a superficial or partial way, but trully and from a heart reenwed by Christ and the Spirit. 

There is a danger in preaching the law. It is so easy to misunderstad how the law is to be used and to fall into the error of leagalism. That is why the introductions to these sermons of the Ten Comandments have been so long. Before I teach you about what each commandment requires and forbids, I wish to be sure that we do not use the law in a legalistic way. No, we are to use the law in accordance with the truth of the gospel.  

To be sure that we do not fall into error, let me ask you, can any mere man be made right with God through law-keeping now that Adam has fallen into sin and the whole human race with him? Answer: No, for all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God and are under God’s just condemnation.

Is there any hope, then? Is there a way for man to be right with God? Answer: Yes, there is hope, for God is gracious and kind. He has provided a Savior, Christ Jesus the Lord. He lived a sinless life for sinners. He suffered for sinners. And he died and rose again for sinners. Indeed, all who turn from their sins and place their faith in him will be saved. Their sins are washed away. Christ’s righteousness is given to them. They are, by grace alone, through faith in Christ alone, justified before God. All of this is a free gift that cannot be earned but only received.

How shall those who have been united to Christ by faith and washed in his blood now live? Answer: In obedience to God’s moral law. Those united to Christ by faith are to walk worthy. You are to “love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (Deuteronomy 6:5, ESV), and “ you shall love your neighbor as yourself…” (Leviticus 19:18, ESV). 

And what should our motivation for law keeping be? Answer: We are to keep God’s moral law, not because we are afraid that we might come under God’s condemnation, for “there is… now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, ESV), but because we love him and we are grateful for what Christ has done. “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15, ESV), Christ said. John put it this way: “And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says ‘I know him’ but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked” (1 John 2:3–6, ESV).

The law and the gospel are not contrary to one another, brothers and sisters. No, if understood correctly, they sweetly comply with each other. Let us be ware of legalism, friends. But let us also beware of the antinomian error – that is the error of thinking that because we are saved by God’s grace alone through faith in Christ alone, then God’s law does not apply to the Christian. Not so, for the law is good, provided that we use it in the right way. 

To put the matter very bluntly, Christian, you ought to have the Ten Commandments memorized and you ought to be deeply concerned about living in obedience to them from the heart and in thought, word, and deed.  When you pray through the Lord’s Prayer daily and you come to the petition, “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”, you should be praying that God would strengrthen you to obey his law. That is what that petition is about, friends! God’s will – his revealed will – is kept in heaven perfectly by the angels who did not fall. And when we pray “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”, we are praying that God would, by his grace, enable us to obey to his revealed will (his law) and submit to his hidden will (his eternal decree) just as the elect angels do in heaven.

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The Fifth Commandmnet

With that as an introduction, we come now to the fifth of the Ten Commandments. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12, ESV).

First, notice the promise attached to the fifth commandment. The fifth comandmentment itself is, “Honor your father and your mother”, and the promise that God atatcehed to it is, “that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” You can see that this promise was unique to Old Covenant Israel. God had promised to give them the land of Cannan. This he would surly do. But do not forget that this covenant that God made with Israel in the days of Moses was a covenant of works. Israel’s blessing in the land and their remaining in the land was conditioned apon their obedience to God’s law. If they obeyed, they would be blessed. If they they disobeyed, they would be cursed. Indeed, God would eventually eject Israel from the land for because of their disobednece. 

I wonder if you noticed how Paul the Apostle applied the promise of the fifth commandment to the New Covenant people of God. In his letter to the church in Ephesus he addressed the children, saying, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” And then he quotes the fifth commandment, saying, “Honor your father and mother”, and then he remarks, “(this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land’” (Ephesians 6:1–3, ESV). The New Covenant people of God do not have a holy land – we are exiles and sojourners, remember – but Paul applies the principle broadly saying that those who honor their father and mother in will be generally blessed on earth, and, if in Christ, on earth for all eternity.  Do you wish to be blessed in Christ? Then do not neglect this commandment.  Honor your father and mother.

So then, The promise attached to the fifth commandment is, “that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” That promise was specifically for Old Covenant Isarel, but it has application for the New Covenant people of God today.  The fifth commandment itself is, “Honor your father and your mother.” What is the fifth commandment? “Honor your father and your mother.”

Notice that this commandment is the first commandment of the second table of the moral law. 

Why is it first? It is first because it is most foundational. 

If we wish to know how God is to be worshipped and served, where should we start? We should start with the first commandment of the first table of the moral law: “You shall have no other gods before me”, YHWH says. 

And if we wish to know how we are to relate to our fellow human beings in an upright way, where should we start? We should start with the first commandment of the second table of the moral law: “Honor your father and your mother.” 

To honor someone is to show them proper respect. 

There is a certain kind of respect that is owed to God. God alone is to be honored as God. Really, that is what the first commandment is about, isn’t it. When God says, “You shall have no other gods before me”, he means, you are to honor me as God, and none other.

Again I say, to honor someone is to show them proper respect. There is a certain kind of respect that is owed to God – the first commandment, and the first table of the law is about that – and there is a certain kind of respect that owed to our fellow human beings. And it all begins here with the first command of the second table of the law: “honor your father and mother.”

In just a moment I am going to tell you that the fifth commandment is about way more than little kids obeying their parents. In fact, quoting now our catechism, “The fifth commandment [requires] the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their [various] places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals” (BC 69). The fifth commandment, properly understood and fleshed out requires honor to be shown to all people in way that fits their particular position in life. We will get to that in just a moment. But here is my question: why did God communicate that broad moral principle by saying, “honor your father and mother”? In other words, whey didn’t he just say, show proper honor to everyone?

I think this is very importinat. By specifically saying, “honor your father and mother”, God not only communicated the general moral principle that honor is to be shown to all men and women in a way that fits their station in life, he did also show where this honor is to begin and where it is to be learned, namely, in the family. 

Who are the very first people that we are to show honor to? We are to honor our parents. And where is it that we are to learn to show appropriate respect to all people in their various possitions in life, whether high or low? We are to learn this in the family where children honor ther parents, and parents honor their children, and brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers honor one another.

Parents, it is very important that you teach your children the fifth commandment. Not only must they learn what it is, they also must learn how to obey it. They must learn to show you proper respect. And children, it is very important that you know and obey the fifth commandment. You must honor and respect your parents. This means that you must obey them (unless they are commanding you to disobey God, which no Christian parent would ever do). But it means more than that. God does not only call you to obey your parents – he calls you to honor them. Those are related things, but they are not the same. Think about it. It is possible for you to obey your parents, but not respectfully. If your parents command you to do something and you do it while huffing and puffing, grumbling and compiling, then you have not honored them, have you? You’ve obeyed them, but you have not honored them. Honor your parents, children. Show them respect. Do this because it is right. But do this also knowing that by doing it you are also learning to show honor to God and to all people. In other words, by honoring your parents you are developing character. By honoring your parents when you are young you are growing in godliness if you are Christ.    

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The Heart Of The Matter

The fifth commandment is “honor your father and mother”. That is simple enough. But what does this commandment truly require and forbid when the implications of it are fleshed out? Question 69 of our catechism is right to say that, “the fifth commandment [requires us to preserve] the honor, and [perform] the duties, belonging to everyone in their [various] places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals.” Question 70 of our catechism says, “The fifth commandment [forbids] the neglecting of, or, doing anything against the honor and duty which belongeth to everyone in their [various] places and relations.”

Listen, brothers and sisters. God’s moral law requires us to show honor to all people. Children are to honor their parents, but please hear me. Parents are to honor their children. It’s a different kind of honor, isn’t it? But it is honor nonetheless. Likewise, wives are to honor their husbands, but please hear me. Husbands are also to honor their wives. The same can be said for every human relationship in the world. Honor is to be shown by citizens to those who govern and by those who govern to their citizens. Employees are to honor their employers and employers are to honor their employees. Those who are young are to honor those who are old and those who are old are to honor the young. Church members are to honor their Pastors and Pastors are to honor church members. Yes, there is a special kind of honor that is to be shown to those with age and authority. But do not forget this. There is also a special king of honor that is to shown to those who hold lower positions in any given sphere. 

Listen to these verses to see what I mean.

Leviticus 19:32: “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.” 

1 Peter 2:17: “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.”

Romans 13:1: “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” (, ESV)

Ephesians 5:21 commands us to submit “to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” 

Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” 

Colossians 3:19–22: “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:5: “Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ,” (, ESV)

Ephesians 6:9: “Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.” (, ESV)

Romans 12:10: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Which of God’s moral laws are all of these commandments rooted in? Answer: The fifth commandment, which says, “honor your father and mother.”

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Conclusion And Suggestions For Application

Can you imagine what the world would be like if men and women were to simply obey this commandment? Imagine what the world would be like if men and women, rich and poor, powerful and weak, young and old, male and female, were to show true honor to one another in a way that fits their position in life. Imagine how wonderful the world would be. If this commandment were kept, there would be no violence, no abuse, no manipulation, no lying or stealing or cheating, no wars or rumors of wars. Imagine how wonderful the world would be. 

The world is not like this, though, for men and women are fallen and sinful. Instead, we live in a world where the strong oppress the weak and the weak rebel against the strong. In this world, those who are rich defraud the poor and the poor despise the rich. Husbands abuse wives and wives dishonor their husbands. Children rebel against their parents and parents respond with harshness. This world is plagued by sin.

But the church ought to be different, for we have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, set free from bondage to sin and renewed by the Spirit. In our homes, children should honor their parents, and parents their children. Husbands and wives should honor one another. And in the Christian community, we are to “love one another with brotherly affection [and] outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10). The Christian community is to be different, for those in Christ have been redeemed, set free, and renewed. You are a new creation, brothers and sisters. 

In the church, we should have a foretaste of heaven, not only in our corporate worship but also in our interpersonal relationships, for by the regenerating power of the Holy Spirit the law of God is written anew and afresh upon our hearts. Those in Christ will desire to worship God, and they will also have a true love for one another. Why is this? Again I say, in regeneration, the Holy Spirit does write the moral law of God on our hearts anew and afresh. Christ does also free us from bondage to sin. In Christ, we are made willing and able to keep God’s moral law from the heart. 

This is why John wrote, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:7–16, ESV)

In the new heavens and earth, all men will love God perfectly, and they will also love one another. This is what makes heaven heaven. It is not the metaphorical streets of gold that makes heaven heaven,  brothers and sisters. God is what makes heaven heaven. In the new heavens and earth, God’s glory will fill all. And how will we relate to him? We will love him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, perfectly and perpetually. Think of that. All who are in the new heavens and earth will relate to God in this way. How is this possible? Because Christ has made it possible. And how will we relate to one another in the new heavens and earth? There we will perfectly and perpetually love our neighbor as ourselves. There in the new heavens and earth there will be no more sin. No longer will men and women dishonor God or one another in thought, word, and deed. 

We had better be found in Christ, friends. For through faith in him alone is the hope of life everlasting. And being found in Christ, may we abide in him now and walk in a manner that is worthy so that we give glory to God as we sojourn on earth. God’s eternal Kingdom is manifest on earth now, brothers and sisters. And where is it found? It is present in Christ’s church, in the asembly of the first born Son, in the community of the redeemed.  May we live in hormony with one another, brothers and sisters. May we “love one another with brotherly affection.” May we “outdo one another in showing honor” Romans 12:10). Lord help us. Amen.